THESE THREE WORDS....The Conclusion

Part Seven--The Conclusion

He sat there for a moment...looking like he was about to cry.  But then, I was, too.  But, I was not about to let him see me cry.  I sat down, and waited for him to say something.  He simply sighed..a long sigh. 
"She left me."  
My world stood still for that moment.   I wasn't sure I wanted to laugh in his face,  scream Yes!  Or, be sad for him.   So I remained motionless.   "From the first time I saw you,  I wanted you.   You were a decent woman.   You worked hard.   You were good with my kids,  even though you made it clear you didn't want any of your own.   You said you could better serve the world, i f you were free to go where you were needed,  to teach.   I didn't understand that.  I was a young man,  just coming into my own,  arrogant,  cocky,  and determined.    I never forgave you for turning me down.   I said I would get back at you,  if it was the last thing I did.  It didn't hurt that I had the means to, either."   I tried to tell you then,  that I wasn't interested in men.   I tried to tell you,  and still be your friend; but that wasn't good enough for you.  "No, it wasn't.   So,  I went back to school,  got my Master's,  and landed this great job.   Which is where we met.   Hell,  I was hungry,  too.  We were in direct competition for the administrator's position,  and you had the inside edge.   You were fast,  efficient,  beautiful, and everyone loved some Jay.   All I heard,  was 'Jay is so right for that position,  Jay will get it,  and Jay has paid her dues.'    Well,  I wanted it,  too.   So.   I did what I had to do.   And my buddies had always been talking about how fine Teresa was.   How they would love to mess her satin sheets up."    You black son of a bytch.  I hate what you did to me. 
"I got the position,  I convinced Teresa that I could erase all her pain.   I got her out of debt,  I gave her everything she always wanted.   She had the best of everything, and, never had to worry about a bill again.   She regained her shiny reputation,  as my wife.   We traveled,  we made love,  on the ocean side,  on cruise ships,  in the car late at night.   She had everything...... Except you."     My heart sank.   The validation I had needed all those years,  knowing that she loved me still.   Knowing that no matter how much she had,  or you gave her,  the only thing important was the love we found. 
"Everything I did,  was never enough,  after a while.   She stopped having sex about three months after we got married."   What?   No this fukka ain't crying.....    "I refused to let her go.  She begged me.   She said I never should have tried to trick her,  when she was at her weakest.  We slept in separate bedrooms for almost another year.   I was hoping she would come back, and try again,  after she had time to think about it.  I went to work one day.  I got some kind of stomach virus.   So,  I thought I should go home,  and rest for the rest of that day.  I  didn't call.   I just went home.   I felt something was wrong when I stepped out of the car,  but I went in anyway."    Please tell me she left your sorry ass,  I'm thinking.  "You can about guess.  She was gone.   Left everything,  but what was hers.   I went to the garage, to see if she had taken her car.   She left it in the garage.   I came back,   sat down at the table, feeling like my whole world had crashed.    Holding my head in my hands,  I glanced over the table,  by the window.  There was some notepaper there.   A purple notepad.   I remember,  to this day.    I got up, walked over to it.   All I could see,  through my tears,  was.... Dear Stan,  I know you thinking......  That's all I could make out.  I burst into tears,  crying like I was when I was a little kid.   And before me, I saw EVERY wrong thing I had done,  to get this woman away from you.  I saw how you must have felt.   I felt your pain,  and my pain.   The moments,  following me seeing the vileness, the sin of what I had done,  made me actually turn to God.    Right there,  in that house,  I gave my life to Christ.   I asked Him to forgive me for what I did to myself,  to Teresa,  and to you.   It was the only place I could turn to.   That was eleven months ago.    Today,  I stand before you,  a changed man.   I will never again try to change anyone from who they are,  or judge who is right for loving who.    Everything I know about life, and about God is only limited,  because only a person can say what's right for them.   Not anyone else.   Today,  I finally got the nerve to come and apologize to you,  face to face.  I needed to do this..    Oh yeah, a package for you." 
I opened the package, and it was cards.  Cards Teresa had bought for me.  Written inside,  were notes addressed to me.  Notes that said....Missing you terribly...I can't do this anymore......why don't you come and get me?.......Are you thinking about me?.....I know I will always love you.....Wait for me......remember when we stayed up all night talking?    I couldn't hold back the tears.    It was like the sun shining in my heart,  the understanding I had waited for,  all my life was handed to me.    My life has been turned upside down,  taken away,  by this man.    And,  today,  he walked into my office,  and gave it back to me.   I kissed the letters.   I know now that she really did love me,  that it was real.    That it was stronger than what we didn't have,  it was stronger than what someone else offered her,  and it was stronger than the pain of having to give it all up. 
He stood up,  extended his hand to me.  I walked around my desk,  and hugged him.   Releasing years of pain,  anger,  and bitterness.    More than that---nothing now stands in the way of me committing my life to Betty.   I hope she understands when I can finally tell her the whole story.   "So,  does that mean you're gonna look for Teresa?   I mean , she is single now.   I don't know if she is involved with anyone,  but I do know she loves you.   And it would do my heart good,  if you two could rekindle that flame.    I would even volunteer to be the best man.  It would be an honor."    Wellll...everything you have told me,  certainly has changed my life.  For the better.   I feel like the chains of uncertainty have loosed me.   Everything in my life is now in order.   I can do what it is I need to do.  You see, I have found the most wonderful woman.  And we are in love.  I know in my heart, I will always love Teresa.  She showed me the most powerful, emotional, sensual kind of love that I have ever experienced in my life.   She is the reason I am who I am today.   Today, I am in love with Betty!   And today,  if all goes right, I will ask her to spend the rest of my life with me.   I got plenty of explaining to do.   But,  I'm up for it.   "I'm happy for you.   I have moved on, also.   I hope to be marrying in the near future.    Maybe this time,  I will really love her,  and she will love me for me,  instead of a way out.    Okay, I'm out.   Thank God you saw me today.   I wish you all happiness.    Have a good day."   And,  you too.   Make sure I get an invite to the wedding, now.  "Sure will"  Thinking to myself, "If I do..I hope bullfrogs fly"  LMAO.....
The rest of the day went by  fast.  I had nervous energy from nowhere.  I wanted to call Betty  I picked up the phone several times to do so.   But,  I said,  I'm gonna wait until I get to her house,  and tell her the whole story,  hoping she accepts  it.   I'm putting it all on the line.   My whole life. 
Just in case,  I better stop,  and get her something  nice.  Maybe flowers. 

At Home

Driving home, I'm thinking about everything.  The conversation in my office, lunch, and what is gonna happen once I get home.  Why am I thinking it's gonna be easy for Betty to understand.  I know what she is gonna consider.  That Nikki does exist, and could there be feelings that I have that will resurface later....  I know she is at home, waiting for me.  SHe won't call.  She expects me to make the moves now.  And, rightly so.  I am the one who has been holding her off all this time.  All she asked me, was to spend the rest of our lives together.  She didn't ask me to murder anyone, or compromise my feelings.  And yet, I held her up; with silly reasons.  It's a wonder she held on this long.
I actually hope I don't need these flowers.  But in case I do, "flowers, do your stuff".  Looking all pretty..just like her.  I would have gotten roses, but I opted for her favorite-a dozen mixed flowers.  I look at them, and smile.  Right beside them, is the envelope with the answers to my past, and the solution for my future.  my ticket to emotional freedom.  But with any luck, I won't be free for long.  I can finally allow myself to totally commit to Betty, to see us with nothing holding us back. 
Pulling up in the driveway, I turned the car off, and just sat there for a minute.  I looked up, said a little prayer.  Not long, maybe a few seconds, because I really couldn't believe this was actually happening, on the heels of what happened at lunchtime.  I grabbed the flowers, the envelope, got out the car and headed towards the door.  I hear music; that's a good sign.  I used my key...opened the door, and closed it behind me.  No sooner had I stepped inside that I saw her.  Sitting on the sofa, staring at me.  She had a glass of wine in front of her, and was reading some papers.  She looked like she was still working.  So I came to sit in the recliner directly across from her, watching her.  "what you looking at me for?"  She said those words without even looking up, knowing I was watching her.
I'm nervous as Hell now.  There was no welcome home, baby; no, How was your day, sweetie.... Just a stony silence.  Sigh.  I guess she waiting for me to speak.
Baby, about today.....  I agreed to have lunch with Nikki, that's all.  I wanted to get her off my back, because I had promised I would see her when she came into town.  What we had was over a long time ago, even though it's evident she has not let it go.  I haven't talked to her on the phone, made no plans to be with her; she just called and said she would be in town.  I always tell her to look me up whenever she's in town.  And, I wasn't sneaking at lunch today.  It's true, today is one of our busiest days, but I figured I could get a quick bite to eat, and see her, and that would be it.  I  love you.  Not her. 
She never looked up.  Also, today, I found the answers to the locked up part of my past, my heart.  Teresa's husband came to my office today.  He came to apologize for ruining my life back when she and I were together.  He admitted everything.  How angry he was that I turned him down, how he got us fired, how he wanted the job we were in line for, and how he tried to make Teresa love him.  She looks up at me.  and I find something to affix my eyes on behind her, so I can finish this, and not lose my courage. so, I am looking down at the floor.  "hold your head up, and talk to me", she says tersely.  Baby, the one thing I have needed all this time...is to know that what I felt , and what she felt for me, was real.  When she left me, something snapped in me.  Like I lost a grip on hope.  I wallowed, and I spent too much time believing love was not
meant for me.  After she left, I was crushed.  It took me a long time to get where I am today, and I knew in my heart, that I needed the kind of closure that only comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what you shared was real.  And he gave me that today.  He came to bring me some cards she had written to me.  I don't know exactly when, but I guess it was in the course of their time together; I'm thinking that when she left him, she left them behind, too.  "She left him?"  Yes.  He said it was his fault for trying to buy her, trying to take her from me to make me mad...get revenge for me not wanting him.  He has since moved on, and is engaged.  And he asked me if I would pursue her now that she is single again. I told him, that I thanked him for giving me my life back, and I have recovered from the pain.  Bit I had met a wonderful woman that I knew I was in love with, and I could now clearly see our future together.  That is, if you would still have me.  Silence.

"First of all, I need you to explain to me what you want to do.  Today, at the restaurant, I wasn't angry, not even mad.  I just don't want you to think you can do what you want to.  I'm giving all my love to you.  TO YOU.  Whether we are living together or not, it does not give you the right to see whoever you choose.  Not out of any kind of friendship, loyalty, or a goodbye date.  When people ask me if I'm available, I tell them NO, up front.  So we don't go through all the BS you be going through.  I told you what I want.  I still want that with you.  But, if you allow other people to come into your life, and you disregard who I am to you, that is where the breakdown starts.  We can be as happy, or as miserable as we make each other.  If there is no way for someone else to come between us, they won't. "  I know this baby, but....  "But my ass, I'm too old to be starting over, but I will.  I want a one-on-one with only one woman.  If you think your feelings for Teresa will resurface, tell me now.  And we can end this right here.  But if you think you are ready for us to be a couple...to be together, in every sense of the word, then tell me NOW.  The ball is in your court." 
Baby, when he left out of that office today, every cloud had lifted from me.  There is nothing to go back to.  I got the validation I wanted. I can see her face lighting up, so I keep talking.  You made me feel loved, again.  When I look at the me that I see through your eyes, I feel so blessed to have found you.  There is nothing I would love more than being yours....  I got up, walked over to kneel down on my knees, between her legs...to kiss her.  With her hands, cupping my face, she said, "you better love me, because I love you sooo much; I would do anything for you.  You hear me?  Anything.  Now, are you ready to answer my question?"  After another lingering kiss, I looked in her eyes, and called upon every ounce of love that I had for that woman, in me, and said, 'Yes I will'
Time stopped.  There was noone in the world, but Betty, and I.  We kissed for what seemed like hours, because I was unleashing, emptying my soul within hers.  We consummated our love, right there on the floor.  I no longer felt like I had to leave; I was home.  The evening turned into night, and it didn't matter to us, because we were lost in love.  Through tears, we confessed eternal love to each other, as we climbed to spiritual, erotic, ad passionate highs neither of us had known.  I can remember drifting off to sleep, her saying to me, "So, we got our happy ending...". 

It's time for a happy ending, don't you think.............