THESE THREE WORDS...Pt 5 & 6

Part 5

The restaurant is crowded, as I thought it would be.  We manage to get window seats, because the bus boy was just cleaning the table off, and we just sat down.  "What will you have to drink", the waitress said as she walked over to us.  Busy today, I see.  We'll have two iced teas, with lemon, and water, please.  "okay, be right back", was her reply as she sped past us taking the order of the people across from us.  I picked up the menu to see what I had a taste for today.  Nikki is smiling at me, and winks.  I wink back.  I'm looking at her out of the corner of my eye while I'm reading the menu.  The last time Betty and I came here, we both ordered the rib dinner, and it was very good; maybe I better eat light, I tend to get a little tired after eating lunch.  
"You been working hard, today?  You don't look like it.  You know, I'm hoping you will come with me to the Spring Festival.  It would be good for you to get out and meet people.  Since you say you don't really know that many people.  And I could show you around.  Introduce you to some of the nicest people you ever wanna meet"  The waitress sits the teas down, and we decide to order steak sandwiches, and a house salad.
"She already knows the nicest people.  And, she is not interested in meeting anyone , are you, darling?"  Silence.  My heart stopped.  She turned to see the voice behind her, and I only looked up.  I didn't have to wonder. It was Betty.  I wanted to disappear!  But, I remained motionless for what seemed like endless seconds, contemplating my answer, because I KNOW I needed to give one.  Fast.  "Isn't that right, baby", as she walked over to where I was sitting, and planted a kiss on me, right in front of Nikki.  I knew she was gonna do that.  Sigh.  Smile. Ahh...Ahh...Yes, baby, you're right.  I know some wonderful people, you being one of them.  The most wonderful one, actually, as I winked at her.  Hoping that was enough to stop her from showing Nikki, and these people the side of her that is..well, ...you just don't wanna know.  "Not busy after all, today, sweetie?"  Ahhh, Well, actually we are; I just wanted to get a bite to eat, because I'm a lil hungry.  And..and Nikki here had asked me if we could have lunch sometimes.  She is in town for the Spring Festival, and she looked me up.  Clearing my throat, Nikki, tell us about the festival this year.  "Are we ready to order, what will it be?  Ma'am, will you be joining them?  what would you like to drink?"  Betty looks up at the waitress, and replies, "I am already sitting over there, eating.  I came over to speak to my dear friend.  I won't be having anything to drink, until later on, right, Jay?  Right, Jay?"   Nikki is silent through all this, and it's best.  I haven't done anything, but almost order lunch, but I feel like I'm cheating on my wife.  "Yes, baby, see you this evening." 
We get our food, and play over it, in silence.  Occasionally looking over at Betty; I'm wondering what is going through her mind.  And, thanking God she doesn't cause  a scene.  "Look, I'm gonna be the bigger one, and break the ice.  I know you only promised me lunch.  I have had feelings for you since I first met you.  I tried to shake them off; telling myself that you are either not feeling me, or I'm not good enough for you.  I see how you look at certain women, how you always said you couldn't see yourself with them, even though they were crazy about you...would do anything for you.  And I stood by, as your friend, because I was not gonna get my feelings hurt.  When I was watching what you passed up, it gave me no choice, but to back down to being just your friend.  I even took a job out of town, hoping to get over you,and move on with my life.  It hasn't helped, either"   She is still talking, as I watch Betty, and her friends get up, go to the counter, pay for their food, and leave.  On the way out the door, Betty looks back at me with a blank look, that seared right through me ...to my intentions.  She wanted to know what was really going on.  "Do you love her?"  Huh. "You could have easily told me that you were into someone, and we wouldn't have to gone through this.  You have no idea how much it hurt me, to watch her kiss you, and you call her  baby.  You never called me baby, in all the times we used to be together.  You never looked at me, like you looked at her.  You couldn't even eat your food, because you thought you were gonna be forced into an embarrassing situation.  Am I right or wrong...talk to me, Jay.  You at least owe me that."  Where do I start. Ok.  I met her while on a business trip in Atlantic City.  No, we didn't go together.  But we were both at the Sands Casino one night, winning our ass off.  She at one machine, and me at the one across from her.  I don't know who yelled the most.  At the end of the night, about 12:30, between us we had over $1700.  We decided to buy each other a drink to celebrate the win.  We went to the bar, ordered, and said, "This is on her" at the same time.  LOL.  And, we were inseparable from then on. 
We fell in love, but we continued to live apart, for several reasons.  Mostly mine.  She has been patient with me, but I think she wants me to make up my mind.  So, you see, Nikki, I am in love with her.  Wow.  I really am in love with this woman.  It feels good to say it.  Every good feeling I have ever had about Betty came flooding back in that instant.  How she was there with me while I was too sick to work, caring for me.  She checked on me every day.  She would call me in the middle of the night to make sure I was sleep; and if I answered, she would only say, "making sure you were not up.  Love you...now go back to sleep".  And she would hang up.  She would take me to work when my car was in the shop.  And don't mention the way she looks at me.  I melt.  Her eyes really say how much she cares.  I'm sorry, Nikki, at this very moment, I know where I should be.  It just hit me.  And it didn't take a fight, a showdown, or us breaking up, to see it.  You have helped me, believe it , or not.  "Well, I'm glad to know a lunch can make me lose you, in one day, and make you finally know who you're in love with.  I'm glad I could help."   I could feel her hurt.  Lunch is on me, it's the least I can do.  I left a tip on the table, took a deep breath, got up...and walked away.  At the checkout, I could see Nikki holding her head in her hands, looking down at the table.  I hurried to my car, to get back to work.  Late again........     

Part 6

When I got back to work,  I could see everyone was looking for me.  I had papers on my desk, and my messages  was blinking.   I quickly jumped in,  and tried to put out the fires.   But,  in the back of my mind,  wondering..... who is gonna put out the fire I started today.    I pushed myself to the edge.   Or maybe,  this is fate pushing me to "sh*t,  or get off the pot".    I had all but put lunch out of my mind,  until I heard  one of the messages,--it was from Betty.    She simply said, ' you got some explaining to do.'    And ,  boy did I.   I still got the knots in my stomach now,  from wondering if she was gonna start a fight,  walk out,  and leave me,  or worse--if Nikki had opened her mouth.   Then,  it woulda been ON.   All Betty needed was  the least bit of friction from Nikki, and it would have been much worse than it was.   We talking about taking your earrings off,  shoes off,  bytch this,  bytch that....  Oh wow.   It coulda been worse.   A deep sigh escapes my lips.   I remember one time,  we were at the mall,  and I was trying on clothes.   The saleslady  was very helpful,  offering to bring me more colors of the slacks I was buying for our trip.    Saying, this color looks good on you.   Well.  Let me tell you....  Betty,  bless her heart,  told me---tell that mutha fu**ing Bytch to get the f**f out your face, NOW!    I was so embarrassed.   LOL.   I told the saleslady that I was through for today.  I was so glad to get her out of that store.  That's my baby, though.
"Jay,  you have a delivery",  my receptionist said,  as she opened the door.   "And he insists on delivering the package personally....shall I send him in?"    Before she had gotten an answer, the door opened.    I looked up,  and my eyes were fixed on the figure in my office.  I sat back in my chair, unable to speak.   What the Hell are you doing in my office?   Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?   It wasn't enough that you got me fired from my last job, by telling everyone in the office that Teresa and I were lovers.   Then you go and convince her that you love her.   We were both fired,  but she blamed me,  for being a little too careless with our relationship.   Six f**king years, and my whole life down the drain.   Got my credit shot to Hell; I couldn't afford to keep that house--not on my salary.  And you knew it.  Then,  you pounced on her in her weakest moment,  offering her more than we ever had.  Telling her that she should be with you,  because God did not approve of  two women loving each other... you convinced her that she was going to Hell.... because she loved me.   Look at you.   You're handsome,  wealthy,  charming,  an upstanding man in the biggest church in the city where we both live.   I could not compete with you giving her diamonds, just because it was Sunday, trips almost every weekend,  unlimited funds at her disposal.   Because you found out her weakness--she loves to shop.    I'm standing up by now, and my voice is lifted above normal,  as I finally get to tell this man a piece of my mind.  Not noticing that he is not fighting back, not looking like he's about to charge me,  in defense of his wife.   But i keep going.   Does it feel good to beat me at something?   All because I didn't want your pretty ass.   Is this a way of coming back,  and rubbing it in my face TODAY..  of all days?    He sits down in the chair, crosses his legs,  and just looks at me,  like he is waiting for me to finish, so he can speak.  I cried over Teresa for three freaking years.... hoping that she would come back to me.   Waiting for any indication that she still loved what we found in each other.   It was both of our
first real relationship,  with women.     We  had broken up with people,  and we found each other.   We were perfect together.    But you know what,  nothing is perfect when you're faced with being fired,  outed for being a lesbian,  and you stand to risk everything you have.    But you didn't understand that, did you?   All you wanted,  Mister Look-so-good,  Mister I-got-it-going-on, come-get-you-somma-this,  Teresa.   Yeah.   You set her up.   You pulled the rug away from under her,  just so you could get her.    And she fell for it.    And you made what you had-- the answer.   You never considered that you were tearing up five mutha f**king lives, did you?    You think your God will appreciate that...  you think you can live with that.... knowing you f**ked up my whole life,  behind your selfish wants.   You wanted a wife to show off.    SAY SOMETHING YOU PIECE OF SHYT.  DON'T JUST STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES.  I S THAT HOW YOU GOT HER..WHEN YOU FINALLY GOT HER HOME..    YOU MADE HER FEEL LIKE SHE WAS SAVING HERSELF, AND YOU...  YOU OFFERED HER THE WORLD... THAT I COULDN'T GIVE HER???  Answer me!   Then get the fuck out my office!