DEAR DOUBT......

Dear Doubt,
How are you?  No need to answer, because I know you're not feeling well.  You got problems, and you don't know where to turn.  I didn't come here to add to your woes.  As a matter of fact, I came to release you from my influence, if I may. 
I sensed hesitation when I initially spoke to you about my decision to no longer sell myself short when it comes to my life, my family, my friends, and my writing.  You thought I was going to continue under your influence, and miss out on the beautiful things life can offer me.  I admit, you did have me doubting someone I loved so much, simply because I thought I was not good enough for her.  I thought she deserved better than me.  I looked all around me, and you had me convinced that I was a mere tinkle in the cup of her life, that is was already full of viable prospects.  You entered my home, and you succeeded in making life miserable for me, despite the fact that I knew why things had to be that way.  You kept saying, "shake it off.  This is all you're gonna amount to..."    And, at my weakest point, I believed you. 
With my family, there were many times that I was wronged, and you just kept on whispering in my head that it wasn't gonna get any better; that my whole life was cursed.  Everyone in my family was so stressed out, it seemed. 

"Thy life shall hang in doubt before thee." Deut. xxviii.

I believed this.  But, no more. 
I also went through several tests with my friends.  Online, and offline.  I mean, they dived right into my psyche.  Head first, all at the same time.  Each one tested my own confidence, my values, my personality, and my faith in the institution of friendship. 

"I stand in doubt of you." Gal. iv. 20. 

I stood in that place of non-belief in them, in their true intentions, and in my own place in their lives.  Why was I there?  My first instinct was to run.   A good fall is better than a bad stand, huh?  You led me to believe that it was me, and not them.  Or, even it could just be the situation that was bringing out the best, or the worst, in all of us.  Either way, it was a test, and not a judgement, as you suggested to me.  I never lost anything! 
What God has for me, IT IS FOR ME.  Why should I worry because someone left my life? 
The best part of me is the VERY thing you tried to steal from me--MY FAITH!
My faith that people are human.  We don't wrestle against flesh.  God does not want us to judge each other, because it is not people that we wrestle against.
Ephesians 6:11-12 states, "Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil......For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

So, you see--You have been the culprit to soooo many unhappy endings for me.  And, if I am going to be happy, I have to part company with you.  I know we had our times.  In some ways, you helped me, I must admit.  Some situations, if I didn't have you, I shudder to think what the outcome would be.  It wasn't all bad.  You prevented me from acting too quickly.  And, in some situations, you held me back, when I should have trusted, when I knew in my heart, I was doing the right thing.  So that's why I think it's time for me to use my own judgement from here on out. 
I'm now old enough to make wiser decisions, AND live without alot of the things I thought I should be holding on to.  
As Romans 8:38-39 speaks to me, " I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come...heights, depths, not anything else this world has to offer will again be able to seperate me from the love I have for God in Christ Jesus"   Everything I need, or want, stems from my faith, not doubt.... in Him.

Goodbye.

 

 

jakuper(6/15/06)