ENTER....pART 3

Caught up in this trilogy of passionate pleasure, that neither of us could contain, we lustfully made moves on each other that I never seen, ones I will always remember.  I'm being poked, and stroked so hard, spasms overcome my frame.  I can feel cumm just flowing out of me down onto Mistress' legs.  Onto the sheets beneath us.  She never misses a beat.  Looking at Stormie's eyes roll back in her head, as she rides Mistress' tongue excites me more.  I become more turned on.  "come kiss me littlegirl,"  she says, through shallow ed breaths.  I steady my strokes and take her tongue in my mouth, dancing, as if to some fast beat of a rhythm neither of us could gauge.   You could smell feminine juices in the air; the smell scurrying me further into sexual oblivion.  Every part of my body was spent, tired, and yet hungering for what might be a once in a lifetime experience.  Stormie goes from my mouth to my breasts, sucking my nipples until they were so sore, the pain almost numbed them.  But, I was determined to
hang in there til the end. Stormie is kissing me.  I feel another nut coming on.  I start bucking wildly, against Mistress, and she, too explodes.....letting out a loud OOOOOHHHH.  We are sweating, and wet as Hell.  We all kinda fall back on the bed, spent.  But, I know this is far from over.  We all kiss each other, for minutes, every place there is to be kiss.  Stormie settles between my legs to lick up the moisture.  I wrap my legs around her waist while she eats me like a maniac.  Things heat up again, and this time, I get to watch the Mistresses go at each other. 
Not knowing which one is more aggressive gets a rise out of me, and I sit watching them kiss, while caressing my tingly nipples.  Anyway this turns out, will satisfy me.  This is better than a movie.  I get the uncut version.  Stormie suggests to Mistress that she needs to mount her.  No protesting from Mistress as Stormie reaches for her weapon of choice, a 10 inches of dark, thick 'do right'.   As she strokes it,  she positions Mistress so she can enter her behind.  Mistress is on her knees with her pretty ass facing Stormie, taunting her.  "come get what you been wanting all this time.  Cuz when you're through, I'm gonna fuck you.  Just like you like it.  You hear me.  I'm gonna tear your ass up!  Come on.  What you waiting for.  Take this pussy, and make it yo...."   Before she could say 'yours', Stormie had rammed her dick up in Mistress, causing Mistress to grimace in either pain, or surprise.  She gripped the sheets, and let out a loud groan, followed by a series of "shyt, fucks, and Damn that feels
goods"  The force with which she entered Mistress made my clit almost jump out of it's skin.  My own nipples hardened, as I sat..watching Stormie fuck the woman who, to me, reigns as the most dominant woman I have ever met.  But, I guess to each other, they are equal, and anything goes.  I watched as Stormie sweat ed, as she vigorously pounded Mistress pussy.....thrusting....counting as she went in and out.  Telling her how many times it was gonna take until she came exploding on the head of her dick. 
ONE....You like this...tell me you like it....Tell me you can feel this....Damn, I love this shyt
TWO....You want more...I can feel you tightening up for me....Talk to me....I can't hear you babygirl...
(a deep thrust that pushes Mistress forward to the headboard....)(Damn, I felt that!)
THREE...What's your problem, littleone...You hear me talking to you...You like my dick...Huh...tel me how much....
I scream out, as I'm cumming just from watching them go at it.  I lick my sticky fingers, and rub my juices on my breasts, still watching the action, refusing to take my eyes off this shyt.  "Babygirl, you enjoying this?" she asks me, looking at my creamy mound, and watching me splash in and out of it.  "You know I'm loving this, right..."she says, licking Mistress ass, and smacking it.  I become more turned on each time she smacks her ass. 
FOUR, FIVE AND SIX.....three fierce thrusts come together, causing Mistress to raise up from her kneeling position.  "storm, I'm loving this.  But, I'm gonna fuck you, too.  So get all of it you want.  You will be my bytch tonight. Yessssss, Ohh Hell Yesssssssss"   I'm gonna make you scream, I love you, like I'm your god. 
SEVEN, EIGHT.....Stormie is pulling her body to her, by her hair, pushing her legs apart,so she can go deeper in... They meet thrust for thrust for what seemed like an hour,or so...but was only about 15 minutes.  Until you could see Stormie wa tiring, and Mistress was still throwing her body back to Stormie.  Suddenly , Stromie got a second wind, and .....
NINE, TEN, ELEVEN...these strokes were all so rough that even Stormie grunted....'Umm..ughhhh...unnnhhhhhh..yes...Take it....'  They were so caught up, that I don't think Mistress noticed Stormie had withdrew her dick, and was rubbing her clit with it..Wet as Hell,it was...as Stormie positioned herself closer to Mistress body, and entered her ass, unannounced.  I felt my own ass tightening up, cuz I knew it had to hurt.  She let loose a loud yell, then started bucking back to stormie, like a champ.  Damn.  "Come here, Joyce.  I need something in my mouth," Mistress said to me.  'how do you want me, Baby...where?'  "I want you in the same position that I'm in...Do that for me..."  I couldn't resist.  I got on the bed in front of her, and she began eating me as soon as she saw my dripping cunt, throbbing against her mouth.  My body started shivering, as I came in seconds...and she was licking it all up. her tongue found my asshole, and she buried it so deep, I yelled out, "I love you..."  Her tongue made
circles around my wet hole, back, and forth, as she was being fucked by Stormie.  For every time Storm hit her, she dug into me deeper, until Stormie held her so close to her, by the back of her head, and came inside her.  And, I came in Mistress mouth for the second time.   They fell onto the bed, breathing in short gasps, and water rolling off their bodies.  We lay there, drained.  But, I knew it wasn't over yet..........

Soon enough Mistress would have her turn with Stormie.  I no longer wanted to watch.  I wanted to be in this, so I went over to the bed, and started sucking Mistress tit-ty while she fucked Stormie.  Stormie's ass looked so sweet from behind, as she gave Mistress a rhythm that sent both of them into some kind of tailspin.  Mistress told Stormie to stand up on the side of the bed, and told me to slide to the edge of the bed, and open my legs while Stormie bent over to finger fuck me.  When she bent over, Mistress rammed her dick into Stormie, and we all felt the impact. "Damn You Mistress!." Stormie yelled.   Damn you cuz that shyt feels so good...make me love it!  She took that dick like a champ, a Mistress leaned into her back with each blow...Sloshing  sounds could be heard loudly in the room, amid grunts from us all. 

If anyone were in earshot, they would have gotten off on the simultaneous orgasms that were going on up in that room.  We all layed on the bed, holding each other.  Mistress in the middle.  Wet, sticky bodies.... I wanted this moment to lat forever.....

"Joyce, come clean me up.  You're the reason we have such a mess here.  Are you satisfied, Mami?  From now on, you two belong  only to me, and each other.  Don't ever forget it.  I love you both."  We both nodded in agreement, while rubbing on each others bodies, and smiling.....   "I'm looking forward to the next time.....   Now, I have to get some sleep for the long drive back home..." 

ENTER....pART 2

It was days later before I heard from her again.  This lady who did something no other person has ever done to me.  Forcibly took my body.  No foreplay.  Nothing.  I was at the grocery store when my cell rang, and it was her.   "Hello Sexy....how are you?"  I smiled.  Fine, and yourself.  "Did I catch you at a bad time?"  No... I'm at the store picking up a few things.  What's up?  I hope everything is fine with you...  "Yes, it is; can't complain...can't complain"   Good.  "What are your plans for the evening.  I was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner.  Nothing formal...Just a meal.  Just bring yourself".  I said sure before I knew it.  LOL.  I would finally get some alone time with this woman who had taken over my mind, as of late.  "1749 Virginia Ave.  Think you can find that?"  Oh yes, been through there a couple of times.  "Ok..I'll be waiting on you".  And she hung up.
I know she knows I'm so excited about seeing her.  She has this way with me.  I know she knows I enjoy spending time with her.  I'm thinking of that night, as I take my items to the register.  Smiling in the checkout line.  I hope they don't think I'm nuts.  Walking out to the car, my mind began to wonder if Stormie would be there.  I know Mistress said the next time, we all would meet up...  I hope she is..I think.  LOL.  Last time, I'm telling you--it was WILD.  I loved the way Mistress subtly seduced my mind into the room, and how she took over my will.  Makes me wonder what else I would submit to.....  And what was Stormie doing while she was sexxing me?  Was she enjoying it...was she waiting her turn..was she ordered to watch...all questions I'd really like her to answer for me.  I'm guessing that Mistress always breaks in the new meat herself. 
It seemed like I got home in record time.  I was thinking what to wear, what was gonna happen, and what if it was more than I could handle....  What will I wear?  What's her favorite color.  Look at me--thinking too much.  Ok..I'm just going basic.  Nothing too loud, too revealing...just a soft expression of my pleasure in being in the company of these two beauties.
According to the address she gave me, she is about a 15 minute drive from me, so I gotta get moving.  6:42p.m.  Ok..  I lotion my body really well, and decide against anything too fitting...so this nice beige blouse, and slacks will do, along with my new sandals I got the past weekend.  I pin my hair up, check me one more time..and I'm out the door.  Adventure awaits. 
I turn onto the street.  1743..1745..1747....hmmm nice houses.  1749. Yes, this it it.  I pull up, and sit there for a moment.  taking several deep breaths.  Whatever this is.....I'm running to it, and not away from it.  It's a kind of thrill that I can't explain; how someone can bring out parts of you that others can't.  Probably comes from a willingness to explore, without inhibitions.  Everyone don't have it.  Some like to live their lives structured, and "regular", like the Cosby's.  I think I have a lil streak of curiosity, combined with a desire for a thrill or two.  Not anything too harsh.  Just enough to get the fires in  my soul heated, and make me feel like I'm really alive.  Is that asking too much?  Nawww.
Making sure my keys are in my pockets, I lock the car door, and head to the house.  I reach the top step, and I can hear music.  Sounds like The Isleys, "What Would You Do"  One of my favorites....  I ring the door bell.  I'm singing the words, as I hear footsteps coming towards the door. 

 

I check me out one more time...  The door opens.  My heart almost stops.  It's Stormie.  Temporarily caught up in feelings...I don't know what to think..to say.  She simply smiles.  And, it melts me.  Hiii. I stuttered.  "Hi".  She was laughing at my awkwardness, as she invited me in.  She could see my shyness.  Even though I knew  that it was a possibility that she would be here, I'm still kinda shocked.  She led me into a large living room area, and, in amazement, I look around me at the nice pictures on the walls.  I was trying not to make eye contact with Stormie until I was more comfortable.  "Have a seat.  Can I get you something to drink?" she asked so sweetly.  Just a gin, please.  A Slow gin.  I'm not even sure what to expect beyond this moment, but I settle into whatever presents itself.  I hear footsteps coming...  "Hello, Mami.  I see you made it.   Welcome to my home.  Make yourself comfortable.  Did Stormie offer you a drink?"   Yes.  "Good.  She's a good girl.  Very good."  I smile, bashfully.  She sits across from me, looking me over....with her inviting eyes.  I feel her thoughts, again.  Wonder what she got up her sleeve....  Stormie comes back in with three drinks, and we toast the evening.  "Let's eat.  Dinner, that is.  LOL," Mistress says.  They get their drinks and take them to the table, and I follow them.  During dinner, we talk very little.  Occasionally exchanging glances, or subtle smiles.  I could tell something was going on.  I finish first, and offer my compliments to the cook.  "Well, you have Stormie to thank for this delicious meal.  Wouldn't you like to thank her properly?"   Her words caught me off guard.  I couldn't speak.  I could see them, smiling at me, aware of my shyness.  But, still waiting for an answer. Yes, I think I should.  'Stormie, that was a wonderful meal'. 
"Now I know you can do better than that, come on now...", Stormie said to me, with a lustful grin.  Now, it's my chance.  To roll with the big dawgs, or stay on the porch.  So, I get up from my chair, walk over to her.  Nervous as Hell.  I look into her eyes, and without saying a word, kiss her, gently on the lips.  Twice.  Smiled, and went back to my seat.  Mistress has an approving smile on her face. I shun eye contact with Stormie until I know I can handle not blushing.  But, I think they know I am anyway.  When I finally make eye contact with Stormie, she winks at me.  We exchange idle chatter for a few minutes, until Mistress gets up, and starts walking towards the back of the house, motioning us to follow her.  I am filled with so much excitement, and nervousness that I stumble over my own feet. It was nothing else there.  LOL.  Clumsy me.  I followed them down a long hall, leading into a bedroom to die for.  A king size bed is the first thing I notice.  Lights dimly lit.  Music...Jazz playing.  The
smell of incense in the air.  I'm standing there, afraid to move, as Stormie jumps on the bed, playfully, and invites me.  I smile shyly.  Take several deep breaths, before joining her. I sit on the side of the bed.  She is laying there all comfortable, like she at home.  Or been there before.  Of course she has.  She was here when I got here.  I'm aware they've known each other for a while, and they seem so comfortable with each other. 
She is lying there, looking sexy as I don't know what, and she is watching me be shy, laughing.  "Come here, littlegirl", she whispers to me.  "I won't bite, unless you want me to.  Let's see what we can do about you being so bashful around us.  We're just one big family.  We share everything."  I'm just exhaling trying to be a big girl.  While inside, whewwwww.  I slide over to where she is, and she pulls me to her, and kisses me deeply. Her warm tongue sending me into instant overdrive.  Like turning on the fire on a torch.  Her body is so warm pressed against mine, and I become so lost in kissing her, that I don't notice Mistress has came back in the room.  I hear her clearing her throat, and saying, "Don't stop"   And we don't.  "I'm going to get some drinks for us, while you two get more comfy.  Wouldn't you like to shower together..."  Wow.  The Mistress don't hold nothing back.  She is handling this thing...LOL.   "Yes, littleone, let's go get wet."  Alrighty then.  That's me, sounding like I did this before.  SMH.  Stormie rises to her feet, takes me by my hand, and leads me into the bathroom, turns on the water, and starts to let her clothes fall.  Piece by piece.  Now.  It's time for me to tell you, I'm blown the fuck away!  It's like I'm mentally pinching myself, trying to figure out ..'how did  get here' ...'is this really happening to me'... A thousand thoughts cloud my mind.  But, I'm handling it.  I let my clothes fall to the floor, too.  WHile Stormie is setting the water temperature, I get this close up view of her body.  You know the view that we always wish we could get when seeing a fine woman in public, all dressed up.....  Well, I'm getting that view!  And, damnnnnnnnn!   She steps in, motions for me to join her.  I waste no time, because by now my drink is kicking in,making me a little more loose, and I'm feeling her.  She makes it look sooo easy.  And, of course I wanna be like her when I grow up.  We gravitate to each other, kissing again, while the water runs over our bodies.  The steam
is also enhancing  these rippling emotions.  I'm ready to be fucked. Plain and simple.  And, I don't care what they do to me.  We wash each other's bodies, and fondle, and kiss, and stuff, for moments before rinsing off, and stepping out of the shower together.  She grabs my left breast, and starts sucking it.  and I'm left ooohing, and aaahhing like a virgin, on her honeymoon.  I feel like a virgin, among two reputed experts of pleasure.  I'm the inductee..the student.  So to speak.  She is sucking my nipple, as her finger finds my clit, and she begins to massage it, roughly. I offer no resistance, and am caught up in a daze of excitement.  Breathing hard, and instantly cumming on her fingers.  DAMN.  She moans, and bends to her knees, and parts my legs to inspect things.  I lean back against the sink,as she goes in with her tongue to inspect closer, to assess the damage, and do a thorough investigation of the crime scene.  She takes her time, sucking on my clit, and fingering me, until I come again.  My
legs are weakening under me.   'I want to taste you, too', I mutter.  "And you will, babygirl, believe me--before tonight is over, you will do more than taste me.  And you will love every minute of it".  I manage to regain my composure as we prepare to go back into the bedroom.

When we walk back into the bedroom, Mistress is sprawled out on the bed, laying against pillows, under her head.  And she is strapped.  Damn is she strapped!  That big black dick is jus waving back and forth becoming to us.  She motions us with her index finger.  "Let's play.  Who wants to ride first?  I got a place for both of you to sit, so come on, don't be stingy.  She is holding her strap in her hands, rubbing it, as she nods for me to come sit on it. She licks her tongue out at Stormie.  She gets to ride her face, while I ride her strap.  We both assume our positions after each kissing her all over her body.  The way peasants should worship a Queen.  No words are needed, except for an occasional AHHH, or an MMMM. 

ENTER...A SHORT STORY

The date is set. Sunday night. 8:30 pm. Sharp. We meet for drinks. The Gaslight Grill. A outdoors restaurant setting. I have only heard about it in the newspapers, and from colleagues.

She is there. Like I knew she would be. I check my make up before I get out. Nervous as Hell. As I'm walking towards the table where she is, she greets me with a sexy wink, and a smile. I sit down. "Hello" Hello. The waiter brings me a glass of white wine, and sits it in front of me. I smile. Thank you. We are seated several rows from the side of the building where the gardens are. The sound water can be heard cascading from the waterfall to our immediate left. Soft music is heard in the background. Sounds like Boney James. I look around me, trying not to be stunned. But in awe. I can tell she is watching me. I'm trying not to seem excited like a schoolgirl. I take a sip of wine.” What are you wearing under your clothes?", she asked. I tried not to look bashful, as I told her, 'only a black bra' "Take it off", she replied. I took it loose, and removed it without saying a word. I placed it in my purse. It's semi-dark, and I could get away with it. So I didn't think it a biggie. She looks at me, and smiles. I smile back. I lift the glass up to my mouth, and drink a swallow. I'm excited, and nervous at the same time.

 

"Are you afraid of me?", she asked, sternly. "No" Do I appear afraid? I answered her back quickly before she would see I was lying. Then she said,” Show me your breast". I opened my blouse, and showed it to her, with an inviting smile on my face. 'Trying to be a big girl, now', I could hear my conscience whispering to me. She smiled back, and winked again. "I'm going into the bathroom. It's down that hall there. In exactly seven minutes, I want you to join me. I'll be waiting for you.." She blew me a kiss. I was so excited. Maybe she wanted me to come in and share a kiss, finally. I longed to taste her lips, and feel the thrust of her tongue down my throat. She got up, walked away, and every eye in the room seemed to be fixed on her. She was wearing that short ass skirt, and those heels, accentuating those muscular calves, was enough to send me. Whew.... I could see the women, checking their men, and one woman was rolling her eyes in my direction. I laughed. I will be damn; it's not my fault. LOL. I took a couple more swallows of my drink, exhaled a couple times, and got  up to go to the bathroom. Walking back, I could hear the music fading, and the smell of smoke almost stifled me. And it wasn't cigarette smoke, either. As I walked the corridor to the bathroom, an anxious feeling came over me. nervousness, as well as excitement. All the doors were closed, except the last door before you go into the ladies bathroom. No light was on, but I could hear music. Jazz. My senses told me to go in. But, I was at my 7-minute limit. But, I was curious as Hell.

Would I go into the room, or pass it up, to go the bathroom where I was on my way to. Where my date was waiting........Now, don't ask me why I felt the need to know what was beyond the door; why I couldn't just go into the bathroom. Something in that room called out to me. Pulled me. Something I could not explain. In those few seconds, I considered my choices, and I found myself pushing the door slightly open, peeping inside. I was greeted with eeriness, like eyes were staring at me. The feeling was mixed with a kind of sexual excitement, and intrigue. I looked around in the room. There was a clapping sound filling the air. It was coming from my left. "My, My, My. you do possess a certain amount of extrasensory perception.You went with your gut feeling, and not what I asked you to do. Should I be upset. or turned on?" It was Mistress. Standing there, not knowing what to think, I managed a timid smile. Even though I'm afraid, my nipples are hardening, and my clit is throbbing...as I stand there facing her. I now see her silhouette sitting there, against the shadows of the moonlit night, peeping through the window. "Take your clothes off, slowly", she tells me. I begin to remove my blouse first, and she can see my erect nipples exposed. Then I undo my pants, and let them fall to the floor. I step out of them. The lump in my throat, accompanied by my sweaty hands, could be an indication that I'm frightened, or so turned on. At this moment, I couldn't tell you which.

Standing there, I begin to think, 'how did I get here. From a passing glance at the beauty salon, to being here, in this erotically tense situation, behooves me. My attraction has come so time consuming. Everything she asks me to do, I try my best to do it. Never questioning her. Silently craving just a touch, a kiss from her. She was a woman of few words

 Allowing me to interpret her moods, through the few emails we exchanged, and phone conversations that lasted only minutes, before she had to go. When she sent a poem, or a few paragraphs, I knew she was in a good mood, wasn't too tied up, and hopefully thinking about me. When I received only a Smack, or a short message, I knew that she was distracted, and couldn't get away to talk to me. I allowed her to be her; I was just glad to be talking to her. Suddenly, someone from behind me grabbed me, and put something into my mouth, so I could not speak. WTH. Then, I felt myself being pushed onto a bed; my hands grabbed, and cuffed to the bedposts. I'm scared shitless. I couldn't speak, even if my mouth weren't gagged. I'm lying here, on this bed, naked, and chained. So many thoughts are going through my mind. Even if I screamed, no one would hear it. The room feels like a cage, and I feel like an animal. But, my nipples are hard as rocks. I should not be feeling this. I feel a hard smack, on my ass. Before I can react, I feel a dick entering me, roughly. It hurts. I'm being fucked so aggressively, and it is turning me on, even more than I'm afraid. These hands are pulling my hips up to meet the deep strokes of this gigantic penis inside me. I'm losing control, as I start to subconsciously join in thrusting my body back to this body. My pussy is convulsing wildly, as I cumm all over it, and I can feel it running out of me. It's still stabbing me erratically. When, the strokes slow down. But only for seconds, as the pace speeds back up, and I can hear them breathing deeply, and moaning under their voice.

My body quickens once again, as the dick inside me rams me, unmercifully several times, before exiting me. I fall back to the bed, like a lifeless rag, spent. In a delirium of fear, excitement, and ecstasy. The room is spinning. I hear the sound of a match striking. The smell of cherries fills the air. 'I could use one of those', I weakly murmured. Silence. The person came over to me, undid my cuffs, and took the gag out of my mouth, and went back to the corner to sit-in silence. "Did you enjoy that?" the voice spoke. It was Mistress. But, was that her. or someone else? I'm just wondering who fucked me. But I can't speak. I'm too afraid. I don't say a word. I nodded affirmatively. My clit was still swollen, and my nipples were on automatic hard, tonight. They wouldn't go down. "Put your clothes on, and go home. I'll call you later on," she said, as coolly as she did when I arrived. I didn't reply; I just staggered over to where my clothes.put them on, and left......

 

Author Jakuper

 

IN DISCORD......A SP EXERCISE(PIC INTERPRETATION)

IN DISCORD....

 

 

She plays her music for me
and I sing her a song
Misty melodies in the night
Sometimes
she even sings along
Sweet refrains
neither of us remember
Always something about love and pain
These days
that's all we seem to know
between the halo we attempt to portray
and the Hell
that always gets in the way
Nevertheless
by the end of the song
we know where we went wrong
and we spend the rest of the night
holding each other close
squeezing extra tight
doing our best
to make things right
I surrender
as the sun is standing by
Birds welcoming another day
clouds racing
across the morning sky
Reminiscing about the time we spend
lingering between a lover
and a friend
between right and wrong
decisions
decisions
all day long
As far as my sin
it can only be
a first time offence
Spending most of my days
and nights...

back

against the wall
in discord..

 

 

straddling the fence

 

 

JAKUPER(9/27/06)

A SEDUCTION

With mornings' first light, I jump out of bed, going to the bathroom.  I'm still high from the night before.  I shouldn't have drank all that wine.  But I had the best time, and I accomplished what I set out to do.   She is in my bed this morning, not hers.  I had been asking her for weeks to spend the night with me,  and we agreed--well, she mostly stated that we should take it slow.  Get to know one another.  It was kinda unfair, because I knew so much about her.  Things she liked.  Music that made her sooo comfortable.  The Blues ..Yes. We went to this Jazz Club, had a lovely conversation.  She loves to talk, and I love to listen.

We talked about how the blue made her feel; how she could get lost in the music, even if the words didn't do it.  It kinda quieted the part of her that was constantly anxious.  It really helped when she found out that I, too, loved the Blues.  Bobby Blue Bland, Billie Holiday, Coco Brown, and my all time favorite song, At Last.  Etta James finest, as far as I'm concerned.  I could see her personality in some of the more vamped artists.  I could tell, because between sets, when they played the songs, she was moving to the beat, like she wanted to cut a step.  And I remember talking to her before work, and the blues would be playing, almost like it was her breakfast.   Anyway, we talked, and talked..and talked.  The thing that I remember her telling me was,"I give my love toooo freely and I am usually the one who gets hurt, but I have to FEEL , so I don't ever hide the way I'm feeling", and I knew then, it would be cold hearted to attempt to take advantage of her.  She is already loving, why not allow her time to come to me, if she really was feeling anything for me.   I think her eyes lit up the most when we talked about her writing. Oh my God...she loves writing!  We sat out in front of her house, talking about how she views poetry, and some of her favorite works.  

"Its the passion that lingers between the parted lips of a kiss.  It is the warm embrace that makes your heart race.  It is the Sweet reminder that I am the seeker, and you are the finder in that moment between parted lips. It is then you can Capture the true heat of RAPTURE "   I will never forget those words, and how her eyes twinkled when she said those words to me.  And the smile afterwards. It was more than a good feeling, it was warmth flowing from her to me.  She actually was sharing Sheila.   We enjoyed a few silent moments, before I finally broke the silence with, 'I have this great bottle of wine at my place; would you like to go over for a while, and share a glass with me.  I will take  you home whenever you're ready to go.  I promise.  No funny stuff'...  And, honestly, at that moment, I really didn't want to sacrifice that beautiful evening with assuming we were going to do something both of us weren't ready for. 

Lucky for me, she said "Sure, I trust you, JA"  WOW.  Chills run through my body.   started the car, and old school was playing on the radio.  How cool can that be?  LOL.  I'm smiling to myself, as I drive to my house.  We get there, and I know she wondering what is going to happen, once she gets inside; wondering is this monster gonna come out, or if I'm gonna try to change her mind.  But, I believe that anything you want, or that's meant to happen, WILL HAPPEN.  So, I'm cool.  I open the door, and she steps in before me.  I always keep things immaculate, because I never know when someone might drop by, and of course, because I know she is a neat freak.  If she saw one thing out of place, she might think I'm a slacker.  And, I know you only get one chance to impress someone.  ANd mine is tonight.  I sit down on the sofa for a moment to ask her if she's comfy, and what does she think.  She simply says, "It's cozy.  I like it."  I hand her the remote, and ask if she wants to watch TV, reminding her that I know she loves CSI, Forensics FIles, and anything like Court TV.  She says no.  What am doing wrong,

 I think.  Music.   You wanna listen to music?  Ok.  So, I turn on some easy listening old school, since that's what I listen to all the time.  And exit to the kitchen to get some glasses, and that nice bottle of chilled wine.  Actually, I always keep two.  One for me, and one for that occasion.  HA!  Smart me.  I come back with the glasses in tow, the wine, and she has taken her shoes off, and layed back on the sofa, listening to the music.  I can see her head, and her feet moving, so I know she isn't sleep.  We drink the first glass, after toasting to a long friendship.  And, it's smooth sailing from then on.  Time passed, and we had finished the whole bottle, talking, and laughing, and mostly, me watching her enjoy herself.  I could tell she was getting high, because she asked me to dance with her.  Of course I said yes!  We played around mostly, while she showed me her famous two-step.  LOL.  I mostly giggled, and watched her dance.  Then, we shared a slow dance.  WOW.  Very slow, very sensual. 

 She was soo  warm, and smelled soooo good.  We held each other for moments.  And I would be lying my ass off, if I said I didn't want to make love to her at that very moment.  But, I allowed the feeling to soothe me, relax me.   I wanted to mellow out, and make her so comfortable with me, that if she wanted to give me anything, she would.  And, I certainly was gonna take it.  So.  I kinda did something even I would have been proud of, even if it wasn't in my character.  I whispered in her ear, 'Now, you have trusted me this far, and I haven't broken my character.  It's up to you...if you don't want to go home, you can spend the night with me.  We can just sleep.  I promise.   I'm tired anyway, and it would be an honor to hold you in my arms tonight.  What you think about that?'  Silence.  It seemed like the music faded behind the mood, and waiting for what was coming out of her mouth next.  I could feel her breathing softly.  At least she wasn't pulling away.  "Ok, but I want the right side of the bed.  And I'm taking

you at your word.  No funny stuff."    "What am I gonna sleep in?"  I'm thinking, NOTHING.  LOL.  But, I don't dare let it slip from my lips.  'I have alot of over sized nightshirts; take your pick.'  I took her hands from around my waist, stepped back a bit from her....and kissed her.  Never saying a word. 

And I showed her to the bathroom, so she could shower first, while I got a shirt for her, and placed it on the bathroom doorknob.  While she showered, I washed the glasses, and checked the doors, and turned the radio on low.  I know she don't like noise when she sleeps, but I love waking up hearing music.  She same out, and got in bed, and I went into the bathroom.  A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind while I was in there.  Would I go back in the room, and she be naked, waiting for me, would she be gone, or .....  I didn't wanna think anymore.   So, I went in, and she was sleep.  

Now one might think that this would have led to a wonderful night of sex.  But, it didn't. 
I know you see I said I had her in my bed.  But we only slept, and held each other. 
Yes, just to sleep. 

That's all I wanted tonight.. .....

Who Am I?

 

As we circumvent different places online, I have found out, a bad report can ruin your reputation, while a congenial one can get you in places you wouldn't other wise get into.

Never mind the fact that neither of them may be true.  LOL.  People are easy to be beguiled by scandal, gossip, and a 'secret'.  I admit, that I am sensitive,and rumors have ruined my day, many a day.  While I was envisioning myself to be making strides in new friendships, I later found out, my character was weakened by rumors from people who knew practically nothing about me, but were intimidated by my reputation.  Yes, I can say that, now. 

I was exiled by the same people whom I looked up to, who I respected beyond measure.  Only to be told, 'not to trust me'.  And, that hurt.  But, not enough for me to stoop to their level. 

I am able to abrogate people's penchant for scandal, and take myself out of their existence.  Like Steve Harvey said, in his recent stand up act, "you'n love me, I'on love you...I know that ain't the christian way, but I ain't got there yet..."  If I let people monopolize my views of myself, I won't even know myself if I walked down the street.  LOL.  I would pass me by, too.  Especially if I heard some of the things about me, that I heard, and even thought for a minute to be true....

I imagine walking into a crowded room, introducing myself.  No one knows me, and I start talking.  No pre-conceived notions at all.... 

But, I know it will never happen, because everyone has a reputation. Even if it is good, or bad...  So, we have to get used to people forming opinions about us, before they even meet us, and talk to us to verify these misconceptions...

Who am I? 

Come and ask me... 

Check me out for yourself!

THESE THREE WORDS....The Conclusion

Part Seven--The Conclusion

He sat there for a moment...looking like he was about to cry.  But then, I was, too.  But, I was not about to let him see me cry.  I sat down, and waited for him to say something.  He simply sighed..a long sigh. 
"She left me."  
My world stood still for that moment.   I wasn't sure I wanted to laugh in his face,  scream Yes!  Or, be sad for him.   So I remained motionless.   "From the first time I saw you,  I wanted you.   You were a decent woman.   You worked hard.   You were good with my kids,  even though you made it clear you didn't want any of your own.   You said you could better serve the world, i f you were free to go where you were needed,  to teach.   I didn't understand that.  I was a young man,  just coming into my own,  arrogant,  cocky,  and determined.    I never forgave you for turning me down.   I said I would get back at you,  if it was the last thing I did.  It didn't hurt that I had the means to, either."   I tried to tell you then,  that I wasn't interested in men.   I tried to tell you,  and still be your friend; but that wasn't good enough for you.  "No, it wasn't.   So,  I went back to school,  got my Master's,  and landed this great job.   Which is where we met.   Hell,  I was hungry,  too.  We were in direct competition for the administrator's position,  and you had the inside edge.   You were fast,  efficient,  beautiful, and everyone loved some Jay.   All I heard,  was 'Jay is so right for that position,  Jay will get it,  and Jay has paid her dues.'    Well,  I wanted it,  too.   So.   I did what I had to do.   And my buddies had always been talking about how fine Teresa was.   How they would love to mess her satin sheets up."    You black son of a bytch.  I hate what you did to me. 
"I got the position,  I convinced Teresa that I could erase all her pain.   I got her out of debt,  I gave her everything she always wanted.   She had the best of everything, and, never had to worry about a bill again.   She regained her shiny reputation,  as my wife.   We traveled,  we made love,  on the ocean side,  on cruise ships,  in the car late at night.   She had everything...... Except you."     My heart sank.   The validation I had needed all those years,  knowing that she loved me still.   Knowing that no matter how much she had,  or you gave her,  the only thing important was the love we found. 
"Everything I did,  was never enough,  after a while.   She stopped having sex about three months after we got married."   What?   No this fukka ain't crying.....    "I refused to let her go.  She begged me.   She said I never should have tried to trick her,  when she was at her weakest.  We slept in separate bedrooms for almost another year.   I was hoping she would come back, and try again,  after she had time to think about it.  I went to work one day.  I got some kind of stomach virus.   So,  I thought I should go home,  and rest for the rest of that day.  I  didn't call.   I just went home.   I felt something was wrong when I stepped out of the car,  but I went in anyway."    Please tell me she left your sorry ass,  I'm thinking.  "You can about guess.  She was gone.   Left everything,  but what was hers.   I went to the garage, to see if she had taken her car.   She left it in the garage.   I came back,   sat down at the table, feeling like my whole world had crashed.    Holding my head in my hands,  I glanced over the table,  by the window.  There was some notepaper there.   A purple notepad.   I remember,  to this day.    I got up, walked over to it.   All I could see,  through my tears,  was.... Dear Stan,  I know you thinking......  That's all I could make out.  I burst into tears,  crying like I was when I was a little kid.   And before me, I saw EVERY wrong thing I had done,  to get this woman away from you.  I saw how you must have felt.   I felt your pain,  and my pain.   The moments,  following me seeing the vileness, the sin of what I had done,  made me actually turn to God.    Right there,  in that house,  I gave my life to Christ.   I asked Him to forgive me for what I did to myself,  to Teresa,  and to you.   It was the only place I could turn to.   That was eleven months ago.    Today,  I stand before you,  a changed man.   I will never again try to change anyone from who they are,  or judge who is right for loving who.    Everything I know about life, and about God is only limited,  because only a person can say what's right for them.   Not anyone else.   Today,  I finally got the nerve to come and apologize to you,  face to face.  I needed to do this..    Oh yeah, a package for you." 
I opened the package, and it was cards.  Cards Teresa had bought for me.  Written inside,  were notes addressed to me.  Notes that said....Missing you terribly...I can't do this anymore......why don't you come and get me?.......Are you thinking about me?.....I know I will always love you.....Wait for me......remember when we stayed up all night talking?    I couldn't hold back the tears.    It was like the sun shining in my heart,  the understanding I had waited for,  all my life was handed to me.    My life has been turned upside down,  taken away,  by this man.    And,  today,  he walked into my office,  and gave it back to me.   I kissed the letters.   I know now that she really did love me,  that it was real.    That it was stronger than what we didn't have,  it was stronger than what someone else offered her,  and it was stronger than the pain of having to give it all up. 
He stood up,  extended his hand to me.  I walked around my desk,  and hugged him.   Releasing years of pain,  anger,  and bitterness.    More than that---nothing now stands in the way of me committing my life to Betty.   I hope she understands when I can finally tell her the whole story.   "So,  does that mean you're gonna look for Teresa?   I mean , she is single now.   I don't know if she is involved with anyone,  but I do know she loves you.   And it would do my heart good,  if you two could rekindle that flame.    I would even volunteer to be the best man.  It would be an honor."    Wellll...everything you have told me,  certainly has changed my life.  For the better.   I feel like the chains of uncertainty have loosed me.   Everything in my life is now in order.   I can do what it is I need to do.  You see, I have found the most wonderful woman.  And we are in love.  I know in my heart, I will always love Teresa.  She showed me the most powerful, emotional, sensual kind of love that I have ever experienced in my life.   She is the reason I am who I am today.   Today, I am in love with Betty!   And today,  if all goes right, I will ask her to spend the rest of my life with me.   I got plenty of explaining to do.   But,  I'm up for it.   "I'm happy for you.   I have moved on, also.   I hope to be marrying in the near future.    Maybe this time,  I will really love her,  and she will love me for me,  instead of a way out.    Okay, I'm out.   Thank God you saw me today.   I wish you all happiness.    Have a good day."   And,  you too.   Make sure I get an invite to the wedding, now.  "Sure will"  Thinking to myself, "If I do..I hope bullfrogs fly"  LMAO.....
The rest of the day went by  fast.  I had nervous energy from nowhere.  I wanted to call Betty  I picked up the phone several times to do so.   But,  I said,  I'm gonna wait until I get to her house,  and tell her the whole story,  hoping she accepts  it.   I'm putting it all on the line.   My whole life. 
Just in case,  I better stop,  and get her something  nice.  Maybe flowers. 

At Home

Driving home, I'm thinking about everything.  The conversation in my office, lunch, and what is gonna happen once I get home.  Why am I thinking it's gonna be easy for Betty to understand.  I know what she is gonna consider.  That Nikki does exist, and could there be feelings that I have that will resurface later....  I know she is at home, waiting for me.  SHe won't call.  She expects me to make the moves now.  And, rightly so.  I am the one who has been holding her off all this time.  All she asked me, was to spend the rest of our lives together.  She didn't ask me to murder anyone, or compromise my feelings.  And yet, I held her up; with silly reasons.  It's a wonder she held on this long.
I actually hope I don't need these flowers.  But in case I do, "flowers, do your stuff".  Looking all pretty..just like her.  I would have gotten roses, but I opted for her favorite-a dozen mixed flowers.  I look at them, and smile.  Right beside them, is the envelope with the answers to my past, and the solution for my future.  my ticket to emotional freedom.  But with any luck, I won't be free for long.  I can finally allow myself to totally commit to Betty, to see us with nothing holding us back. 
Pulling up in the driveway, I turned the car off, and just sat there for a minute.  I looked up, said a little prayer.  Not long, maybe a few seconds, because I really couldn't believe this was actually happening, on the heels of what happened at lunchtime.  I grabbed the flowers, the envelope, got out the car and headed towards the door.  I hear music; that's a good sign.  I used my key...opened the door, and closed it behind me.  No sooner had I stepped inside that I saw her.  Sitting on the sofa, staring at me.  She had a glass of wine in front of her, and was reading some papers.  She looked like she was still working.  So I came to sit in the recliner directly across from her, watching her.  "what you looking at me for?"  She said those words without even looking up, knowing I was watching her.
I'm nervous as Hell now.  There was no welcome home, baby; no, How was your day, sweetie.... Just a stony silence.  Sigh.  I guess she waiting for me to speak.
Baby, about today.....  I agreed to have lunch with Nikki, that's all.  I wanted to get her off my back, because I had promised I would see her when she came into town.  What we had was over a long time ago, even though it's evident she has not let it go.  I haven't talked to her on the phone, made no plans to be with her; she just called and said she would be in town.  I always tell her to look me up whenever she's in town.  And, I wasn't sneaking at lunch today.  It's true, today is one of our busiest days, but I figured I could get a quick bite to eat, and see her, and that would be it.  I  love you.  Not her. 
She never looked up.  Also, today, I found the answers to the locked up part of my past, my heart.  Teresa's husband came to my office today.  He came to apologize for ruining my life back when she and I were together.  He admitted everything.  How angry he was that I turned him down, how he got us fired, how he wanted the job we were in line for, and how he tried to make Teresa love him.  She looks up at me.  and I find something to affix my eyes on behind her, so I can finish this, and not lose my courage. so, I am looking down at the floor.  "hold your head up, and talk to me", she says tersely.  Baby, the one thing I have needed all this time...is to know that what I felt , and what she felt for me, was real.  When she left me, something snapped in me.  Like I lost a grip on hope.  I wallowed, and I spent too much time believing love was not
meant for me.  After she left, I was crushed.  It took me a long time to get where I am today, and I knew in my heart, that I needed the kind of closure that only comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what you shared was real.  And he gave me that today.  He came to bring me some cards she had written to me.  I don't know exactly when, but I guess it was in the course of their time together; I'm thinking that when she left him, she left them behind, too.  "She left him?"  Yes.  He said it was his fault for trying to buy her, trying to take her from me to make me mad...get revenge for me not wanting him.  He has since moved on, and is engaged.  And he asked me if I would pursue her now that she is single again. I told him, that I thanked him for giving me my life back, and I have recovered from the pain.  Bit I had met a wonderful woman that I knew I was in love with, and I could now clearly see our future together.  That is, if you would still have me.  Silence.

"First of all, I need you to explain to me what you want to do.  Today, at the restaurant, I wasn't angry, not even mad.  I just don't want you to think you can do what you want to.  I'm giving all my love to you.  TO YOU.  Whether we are living together or not, it does not give you the right to see whoever you choose.  Not out of any kind of friendship, loyalty, or a goodbye date.  When people ask me if I'm available, I tell them NO, up front.  So we don't go through all the BS you be going through.  I told you what I want.  I still want that with you.  But, if you allow other people to come into your life, and you disregard who I am to you, that is where the breakdown starts.  We can be as happy, or as miserable as we make each other.  If there is no way for someone else to come between us, they won't. "  I know this baby, but....  "But my ass, I'm too old to be starting over, but I will.  I want a one-on-one with only one woman.  If you think your feelings for Teresa will resurface, tell me now.  And we can end this right here.  But if you think you are ready for us to be a couple...to be together, in every sense of the word, then tell me NOW.  The ball is in your court." 
Baby, when he left out of that office today, every cloud had lifted from me.  There is nothing to go back to.  I got the validation I wanted. I can see her face lighting up, so I keep talking.  You made me feel loved, again.  When I look at the me that I see through your eyes, I feel so blessed to have found you.  There is nothing I would love more than being yours....  I got up, walked over to kneel down on my knees, between her legs...to kiss her.  With her hands, cupping my face, she said, "you better love me, because I love you sooo much; I would do anything for you.  You hear me?  Anything.  Now, are you ready to answer my question?"  After another lingering kiss, I looked in her eyes, and called upon every ounce of love that I had for that woman, in me, and said, 'Yes I will'
Time stopped.  There was noone in the world, but Betty, and I.  We kissed for what seemed like hours, because I was unleashing, emptying my soul within hers.  We consummated our love, right there on the floor.  I no longer felt like I had to leave; I was home.  The evening turned into night, and it didn't matter to us, because we were lost in love.  Through tears, we confessed eternal love to each other, as we climbed to spiritual, erotic, ad passionate highs neither of us had known.  I can remember drifting off to sleep, her saying to me, "So, we got our happy ending...". 

It's time for a happy ending, don't you think.............

 

THESE THREE WORDS...Pt 5 & 6

Part 5

The restaurant is crowded, as I thought it would be.  We manage to get window seats, because the bus boy was just cleaning the table off, and we just sat down.  "What will you have to drink", the waitress said as she walked over to us.  Busy today, I see.  We'll have two iced teas, with lemon, and water, please.  "okay, be right back", was her reply as she sped past us taking the order of the people across from us.  I picked up the menu to see what I had a taste for today.  Nikki is smiling at me, and winks.  I wink back.  I'm looking at her out of the corner of my eye while I'm reading the menu.  The last time Betty and I came here, we both ordered the rib dinner, and it was very good; maybe I better eat light, I tend to get a little tired after eating lunch.  
"You been working hard, today?  You don't look like it.  You know, I'm hoping you will come with me to the Spring Festival.  It would be good for you to get out and meet people.  Since you say you don't really know that many people.  And I could show you around.  Introduce you to some of the nicest people you ever wanna meet"  The waitress sits the teas down, and we decide to order steak sandwiches, and a house salad.
"She already knows the nicest people.  And, she is not interested in meeting anyone , are you, darling?"  Silence.  My heart stopped.  She turned to see the voice behind her, and I only looked up.  I didn't have to wonder. It was Betty.  I wanted to disappear!  But, I remained motionless for what seemed like endless seconds, contemplating my answer, because I KNOW I needed to give one.  Fast.  "Isn't that right, baby", as she walked over to where I was sitting, and planted a kiss on me, right in front of Nikki.  I knew she was gonna do that.  Sigh.  Smile. Ahh...Ahh...Yes, baby, you're right.  I know some wonderful people, you being one of them.  The most wonderful one, actually, as I winked at her.  Hoping that was enough to stop her from showing Nikki, and these people the side of her that is..well, ...you just don't wanna know.  "Not busy after all, today, sweetie?"  Ahhh, Well, actually we are; I just wanted to get a bite to eat, because I'm a lil hungry.  And..and Nikki here had asked me if we could have lunch sometimes.  She is in town for the Spring Festival, and she looked me up.  Clearing my throat, Nikki, tell us about the festival this year.  "Are we ready to order, what will it be?  Ma'am, will you be joining them?  what would you like to drink?"  Betty looks up at the waitress, and replies, "I am already sitting over there, eating.  I came over to speak to my dear friend.  I won't be having anything to drink, until later on, right, Jay?  Right, Jay?"   Nikki is silent through all this, and it's best.  I haven't done anything, but almost order lunch, but I feel like I'm cheating on my wife.  "Yes, baby, see you this evening." 
We get our food, and play over it, in silence.  Occasionally looking over at Betty; I'm wondering what is going through her mind.  And, thanking God she doesn't cause  a scene.  "Look, I'm gonna be the bigger one, and break the ice.  I know you only promised me lunch.  I have had feelings for you since I first met you.  I tried to shake them off; telling myself that you are either not feeling me, or I'm not good enough for you.  I see how you look at certain women, how you always said you couldn't see yourself with them, even though they were crazy about you...would do anything for you.  And I stood by, as your friend, because I was not gonna get my feelings hurt.  When I was watching what you passed up, it gave me no choice, but to back down to being just your friend.  I even took a job out of town, hoping to get over you,and move on with my life.  It hasn't helped, either"   She is still talking, as I watch Betty, and her friends get up, go to the counter, pay for their food, and leave.  On the way out the door, Betty looks back at me with a blank look, that seared right through me ...to my intentions.  She wanted to know what was really going on.  "Do you love her?"  Huh. "You could have easily told me that you were into someone, and we wouldn't have to gone through this.  You have no idea how much it hurt me, to watch her kiss you, and you call her  baby.  You never called me baby, in all the times we used to be together.  You never looked at me, like you looked at her.  You couldn't even eat your food, because you thought you were gonna be forced into an embarrassing situation.  Am I right or wrong...talk to me, Jay.  You at least owe me that."  Where do I start. Ok.  I met her while on a business trip in Atlantic City.  No, we didn't go together.  But we were both at the Sands Casino one night, winning our ass off.  She at one machine, and me at the one across from her.  I don't know who yelled the most.  At the end of the night, about 12:30, between us we had over $1700.  We decided to buy each other a drink to celebrate the win.  We went to the bar, ordered, and said, "This is on her" at the same time.  LOL.  And, we were inseparable from then on. 
We fell in love, but we continued to live apart, for several reasons.  Mostly mine.  She has been patient with me, but I think she wants me to make up my mind.  So, you see, Nikki, I am in love with her.  Wow.  I really am in love with this woman.  It feels good to say it.  Every good feeling I have ever had about Betty came flooding back in that instant.  How she was there with me while I was too sick to work, caring for me.  She checked on me every day.  She would call me in the middle of the night to make sure I was sleep; and if I answered, she would only say, "making sure you were not up.  Love you...now go back to sleep".  And she would hang up.  She would take me to work when my car was in the shop.  And don't mention the way she looks at me.  I melt.  Her eyes really say how much she cares.  I'm sorry, Nikki, at this very moment, I know where I should be.  It just hit me.  And it didn't take a fight, a showdown, or us breaking up, to see it.  You have helped me, believe it , or not.  "Well, I'm glad to know a lunch can make me lose you, in one day, and make you finally know who you're in love with.  I'm glad I could help."   I could feel her hurt.  Lunch is on me, it's the least I can do.  I left a tip on the table, took a deep breath, got up...and walked away.  At the checkout, I could see Nikki holding her head in her hands, looking down at the table.  I hurried to my car, to get back to work.  Late again........     

Part 6

When I got back to work,  I could see everyone was looking for me.  I had papers on my desk, and my messages  was blinking.   I quickly jumped in,  and tried to put out the fires.   But,  in the back of my mind,  wondering..... who is gonna put out the fire I started today.    I pushed myself to the edge.   Or maybe,  this is fate pushing me to "sh*t,  or get off the pot".    I had all but put lunch out of my mind,  until I heard  one of the messages,--it was from Betty.    She simply said, ' you got some explaining to do.'    And ,  boy did I.   I still got the knots in my stomach now,  from wondering if she was gonna start a fight,  walk out,  and leave me,  or worse--if Nikki had opened her mouth.   Then,  it woulda been ON.   All Betty needed was  the least bit of friction from Nikki, and it would have been much worse than it was.   We talking about taking your earrings off,  shoes off,  bytch this,  bytch that....  Oh wow.   It coulda been worse.   A deep sigh escapes my lips.   I remember one time,  we were at the mall,  and I was trying on clothes.   The saleslady  was very helpful,  offering to bring me more colors of the slacks I was buying for our trip.    Saying, this color looks good on you.   Well.  Let me tell you....  Betty,  bless her heart,  told me---tell that mutha fu**ing Bytch to get the f**f out your face, NOW!    I was so embarrassed.   LOL.   I told the saleslady that I was through for today.  I was so glad to get her out of that store.  That's my baby, though.
"Jay,  you have a delivery",  my receptionist said,  as she opened the door.   "And he insists on delivering the package personally....shall I send him in?"    Before she had gotten an answer, the door opened.    I looked up,  and my eyes were fixed on the figure in my office.  I sat back in my chair, unable to speak.   What the Hell are you doing in my office?   Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?   It wasn't enough that you got me fired from my last job, by telling everyone in the office that Teresa and I were lovers.   Then you go and convince her that you love her.   We were both fired,  but she blamed me,  for being a little too careless with our relationship.   Six f**king years, and my whole life down the drain.   Got my credit shot to Hell; I couldn't afford to keep that house--not on my salary.  And you knew it.  Then,  you pounced on her in her weakest moment,  offering her more than we ever had.  Telling her that she should be with you,  because God did not approve of  two women loving each other... you convinced her that she was going to Hell.... because she loved me.   Look at you.   You're handsome,  wealthy,  charming,  an upstanding man in the biggest church in the city where we both live.   I could not compete with you giving her diamonds, just because it was Sunday, trips almost every weekend,  unlimited funds at her disposal.   Because you found out her weakness--she loves to shop.    I'm standing up by now, and my voice is lifted above normal,  as I finally get to tell this man a piece of my mind.  Not noticing that he is not fighting back, not looking like he's about to charge me,  in defense of his wife.   But i keep going.   Does it feel good to beat me at something?   All because I didn't want your pretty ass.   Is this a way of coming back,  and rubbing it in my face TODAY..  of all days?    He sits down in the chair, crosses his legs,  and just looks at me,  like he is waiting for me to finish, so he can speak.  I cried over Teresa for three freaking years.... hoping that she would come back to me.   Waiting for any indication that she still loved what we found in each other.   It was both of our
first real relationship,  with women.     We  had broken up with people,  and we found each other.   We were perfect together.    But you know what,  nothing is perfect when you're faced with being fired,  outed for being a lesbian,  and you stand to risk everything you have.    But you didn't understand that, did you?   All you wanted,  Mister Look-so-good,  Mister I-got-it-going-on, come-get-you-somma-this,  Teresa.   Yeah.   You set her up.   You pulled the rug away from under her,  just so you could get her.    And she fell for it.    And you made what you had-- the answer.   You never considered that you were tearing up five mutha f**king lives, did you?    You think your God will appreciate that...  you think you can live with that.... knowing you f**ked up my whole life,  behind your selfish wants.   You wanted a wife to show off.    SAY SOMETHING YOU PIECE OF SHYT.  DON'T JUST STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES.  I S THAT HOW YOU GOT HER..WHEN YOU FINALLY GOT HER HOME..    YOU MADE HER FEEL LIKE SHE WAS SAVING HERSELF, AND YOU...  YOU OFFERED HER THE WORLD... THAT I COULDN'T GIVE HER???  Answer me!   Then get the fuck out my office!

AFTER YOU....

After you....
after everything
that made us who we are
after I have gone
and your life has progressed
when you find yourself
in the lap of happiness
just remember why you're happy
don't forget
who made you laugh
when we both dared each other
not to cry
never leave one smile behind
we both know
the reason why
Life was given unto us
just like Love
God blessed each of us
with a gift
from above
the joy of friendship
to have
and always hold
the courage to retell stories
already told
sharing
caring
daring
to fight for what we believe
happiness....my love
is ours
to receive...

...........After you.

THESE THREE WORDS....pT 3 & pT.4

Part 3

   Thursday already.
Reaching over to cut the alarm off,  I'm rubbing sleep out my eyes.  It feels like I just went to sleep.  I tuck my body tighter under the sheets, and growl...... One long stretch,  and I'm up.  I'm up..... 
I stumble out of bed, and make my way to the bathroom to pee...oooo.  Shouldn't have held it all night.  Almost didn't make it.   Ahhhhhhh.  I turn the shower on, and brush my teeth while the water is running.  As I'm about to get in the shower,  the phone rings. 
"Good Morning, Sexy Ass...how was your sleep?  Did you dream of me...",  was the voice on the other end of the phone.  Of course I did,  baby.  But you know what--it wasn't a dream..it was a vision.   More real than even I wanted it to be.   I could see us together.   Same house, same car, same bills.   Same bed,  every night.   "And who's stopping the dream from coming true....",  she said.  Me...it's me.  I know,  baby,  as soon as I get to where I wanna be with this new job, everything can come together,  and we can see to making this official.... "MMMhmmm, but you know I'm not liking this, right?   I mean, I told you, it doesn't matter- we are in this together.  It's no big I or little U;  it's US.   Forever. 
Let me show you things you never seen, and share your world.  The only difference is salaries.  You're a woman, and I am a woman, we love each other, and I don't want anyone but you.  I'm in love with you for who you are inside....  We been through too much together to dismiss this as some fling.  You know I'm not desperate, either."  I know,  baby.  You're right, everything you're saying is true.  It's me.  Just be patient with me a little longer.  "Ok, Love...well,  I'm already at the office, and my client will be here any minute.  I just wanted to make sure you were up.  Kisses.  What's for dinner?  Your turn to cook,  or treat.  Take your choice....Ok..lata."     
On my way back to the shower,  I'm smiling..and thinking I'm so blessed to have such an understanding woman, and you know what..I think she really loves me.  Yes!  I whistle as I jump in the shower, and I'm out in a few minutes....and feeling like about a million on the inside.  Happy now! 
Think I will wear blue today, as it fits my peaceful mood.  I'm not looking forward to work.  It's a  big staff meeting, and I have to actually do work today. 
As I'm curling my hair,  I have time to remember.......  Remember what it really is...why I can't possibly commit to Betty.  It's the one thing that keeps me from being totally happy.  And, sooner or later,  I'm gonna have to tell her.  She won't keep taking,  "I will tell you later". hmmmmm.  Silence. 
Looking at myself in the mirror....for endless moments......  Then I get dressed,  and head out the door,  picking up a cereal bar on the way out.  Got in the car,  and started the engine,  and remembered my papers I left on the table.  So, I let the car warm up, ran back in the house to get the papers, came back, speeded off to work.  The radio is playing my favorite song...UNPREDICTIBLE...
[LUDA]
All Aboard!
The spontaneous express
Never the less always the more
From the pool table to the kitchen floor
Next stops the G spot... LUDA!

hahaha

Let me put a little bit of excite-ment
Up in yo lifestyle
You gotta know the times of the essence
I'm talkin right now
I can get, get rid of that headache
What you doin tonight
Some say that sex is overrated, but they just ain’t doin it right
I keeps it interestin baby just take them clothes off
I'll be yo Tylenol just take me till you dose off
Wake you up in the middle of the night and take you to another world
You'll wake up in the mornin feelin like another giiirl

....I'm jamming all the way to work.  Pull up on the lot,  and people are looking at me acting like a teemager,  loud music ,  and all.  I smile, and wave to them and they go on in.  I stay til  the end of the song;  I'm late anyway.  LOL.  But only by a few minutes.  I usually make it up after hours. being I'm the last one to leave......

Part 4

Good Morning.
How's everyone this sunny morning.....it's gonna be a beautiful day, don't you think?  As I walk to my office, I can "feel" eyes on me.  Probably wondering why I'm so happy, like I got pep in my step...  I do.  I feel great!  It's Thursday, and I know I gotta bust my butt today.
No sooner than I put my briefcase down, the phone rings.  "Call on line One, Jackie"  Who could be calling me this early....  "Good Morning, Ms. Jay.  How are you?"  Hello....   It's Nikki.  Oh Lordddd...what do she want....  "I'm calling to collect on my date.  So what's it gonna be?  Make it light on yourself.  And, don't tell me you're busy, becasue we can have lunch today, and it can be done with...........unless.....   Unless what?  "Unless we find a reason to meet again"   Ok.  Tell you what;  meet me at the Cracker Barrel at 12:30 sharp. I'm not gonna have much time to eat, becasue I have to get back to work, so no funny stuff...ok? "I promise...see you there.  I'll get us a table."  Ok.
The morning went by too fast.  It's 12:10 already.  I wonder what Betty is doing....  Let me call her before I leave.  Last thing I wanna do is run into her,  when I'm supposed to be sooo busy, today.  No answer.  She must be tied up in work.  Good.  I grab my coat, and head towards the door, walking rather fast,  because I don't want noone to stop me with a last minute anything.....Ugh. Everyday at lunchtime, or time to go home, somebody got papers for me to sign, fax...or something to look over....  But, if they get me today, they gonna be a good one.  LOL.  
Stepping outside, I could have sworn it was sunny when I came to work;  now clouds are rolling in fast. Hmmmm   Jumping in my car, rolling  down the windows, I drive up to Cracker Barrel.  I park where she can see me, and I wait.  While I'm waiting, I think about the first time we met.    Sweet Nikki.  Grinning.  We used to have some nice times when we both lived in the same apartment building.  Never had to go home.  We just crashed,  wherever we would end up at.  Sometimes -on top of each other. 
I can remember the first time I saw her.  We were at the grocery store, in the Seafood section.  We were both having seafood that night.  We were looking at the same lobster floating around in the tank.  The way she was talking, was like it was hers, already.  I had to laugh.  To avoid a conflict over who would get it, we decided to share it.  We even split the price of it, salad  fixings, and a bottle of wine.  I forgot the name of it, but it was so good.  "Your place, or mine", she asked.  Ahhhh.  Let's flip for it.  I pulled out a quarter, and chose tails.  Would you like to flip?  Feeling confident I would lose, I handed her the coin.  She flipped, and........Tails.   Damnit!  LOL.  I just knew I would lose, and I could get a nice homecooked meal made by my new friend.  "Where do you live?"  Wendover Heights, Apt 4...Southside,  off Holbrook Ave.  You can't miss it;  I have so many plants on the porch.  "WHAT?  GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!  You lying !"
Huh.  Right about now, I'm looking at my nose, because I think- either I have something hanging, or this chick is losing it.  Why do you say that, I ask...kinda afraid of the answer.  "I'm in 8, same place.  I'm your neighbor."    She putting the smile on me, now.....speaking a lil softer.  Making me think...O Muh goodness.  "Why don't you let me cook for you, and you can come keep me company.  Since you're so close.  Isn't this a nice coincidence?"  Yes....nice.  Walking to my car, I don't know what to think.  So I try not to...  Until I get home.  I sit there in the car, looking up at her apartment, for a long minute.  I see her car is already home.  I take my groceries in my apartment, put them up, take a shower, change, and head upstairs with a few DVD's I picked up off the TV, on the way out. 
When I got there, I could hear music playing .....Maze.  Joy and Pain, the slower mix.  Nice.  When she opened the door, I could smell incense burning, and seafood aromas.  But, in front of me stood this woman, that I hardly knew, in this eye-popping ensemble that made me wanna turn around, and take my ass back home. Whew...  She had this silk T-strapped PJ short set on.  And, let's just say, she was excited to see me, because her nipples were visibly noticeable.  Something in my head kept telling me, "Jay...you might wanna stop here...to tread further, is dangerous."  But, nawwww, I just grinned.  Only able to mutter, Nice. 
Let's just say that to this day, I have never tasted lobster, my favortie color on a woman is red, I love apartments, and Maze is my favorite singing group.  LMAO.
I am awakened out of my daze by a tap on the window.  "Hey, playa..let's eat. "  I'm right behind you.........       

(BEYOND THE NAKED EYE) A SP Exeercise....

*Maneuver,*Opaque,*Nostalgic,*Dangerous,Absent,*Yearn,*Balance,*Lament,
Unique,*Excuse,*Stimulation

 

Removing the opaque blinders
taking a long deserved
nostalgic look
into your curious side
I find myself looking
for the things in side of you
that you try to hide

What is it
that makes you tick inside
I replay it over and over
in my mind
seems like a maneuver
of crooked plots
and devious wills
or a vision for the blind
too complex to refill
Your desires, I have dissected
Seems funny that you craved me
more than twice
but, not really wanting to fill the cup
you refused to risk the sacrifice

Do you sip for stimulation's sake
or is there some point
that you with dangerous yearning intent
have often tried to make
Others see
what I can only wish I saw
long before you excited me
They see you balancing unique excuses
on the tip of your tongue
Claiming victories
You couldn't have possibly won
Tell them you never won my heart
it was never the truth
The excuses you make now
are your only weakened proof
Scoffing at your resolve
weaving in and out of trouble
lamenting some unique escape...
in the absence of the perfect character
you just try too hard to fake

My eyes doth clearly see
the blinders gone away
I intend to know from here on out
the rules of the oldest game
that crooks of good intentions

...attempt to play

 

 

THE ROSES

what woman

wouldn't want roses

what lips

wouldn't want a kiss

why am I here looking for you

not one moment

 with you

 I ever wanna miss

who would turn you down

who could say no

I feel your presence

everywhere I go

Eyes

watching me

the smile that I cannot erase

trying to get next to you

without speeding up the pace

that conversation we had

you know the one

where I had you in stitches

listening to your laugh

in your oh so sexy pitches

looking forward again

to the next time we speak

when my defenses

will  only be a little more weak

I will think of the roses

the fuzzy little bear

the smile

and the laughter

....and wish you were there.

 

THESE THREE WORDS....Parts 1 & 2

Pt. 1

Standing there...looking down at you....
Should I just take my clothes off, and jump back in bed ...or leave while I can.  One mind says go.  And the other says stay......how can you walk away from all that?  Shaking my head, while inhaling the aroma of your...well, our bodily fluids mixed together and floating through the air.  The taste of you, still fresh on my tongue.  I raise my hands to my face and smell my palms, my fingers once again....sighing.  That lasting scent of the magic moments we just created.  The sweet sweat...mmmmmmmm  Thinking, just one more time...
I sit down on the side of the bed, looking at you.  Your relaxed body is laid out, sleeping.  I rub my hand across your behind, and up & down your back, softly, as not to awaken you.  My fingertips tingling at contact of your silky skin.  Your body still moist and warm, yet, reclined.  A faint snore seeps from you, as I lay back down beside you, helplessly drawn to your allure.  Remembering you got your hair done yesterday, and looking at it now, I'm laughing.   It's a mess!  LOL.  But, I enjoyed helping you mess it up. 
I'm thinking about how much I love you...how good you make me feel.  I know I keep telling you that I don't want to get serious, but I can feel my own feelings deepening.  Daily.  In my heart, I know I'm falling in love with her.  But will I tell her....will she soon find out that I would rather be with her, than going home every so often.  Because, truthfully, sometimes, I cannot tear myself away.  After a evening of fun, shopping, or playing cards with friends; or, maybe a dinner, and a movie...I can't bear to leave you.  And I think you feel it, too.  And you say, "stay".  And I'm like a kid with a new toy.  But, when we talk about getting serious, like face to face--I clam up.  I change the subject....

On my way home, I'm thinking.  Many thoughts going through my mind.  What if we do get together...what if I do move in with her, and we don't get along...I don't really belong in her world.  My own life has been much simpler than hers.  She graduated from College to her own business, garnering two degrees.  She has made a name for herself in the fashion world.  She lives with the big wigs in the swankiest parts of town.  While I barely made it through college, and work in management training, in an office full of hungry people who all are fighting to get ahead.  I live modestly, in a uptown apartment building, and the only name I have made for myself is good friend, Mother of one natural child, and many soul children.  She drives the finest, and I have this late model that barely makes it most days.  I always compare our backgrounds, and she always says, "it only bothers you, dear"  Hmmmm
Seems like time passed so quickly, and I'm back on my side of town.  It's midnight, yet people are still walking up, and down the street.  The music is blasting upstairs....sounds like a party.  I'm at the trunk getting my things, and I hear someone call out to me..."what you bring me?"  It's one of my kids.  "I brought you some sleep".  LOL.  On the way to the door, I wave her goodnight, and retire to my humble abode. 
I can see my messages light blinking from the door.  Sitting down by the phone, and, after taking my shoes, and coat off...  I listen to the messages...   Bills.. Bills, my sister, nahhh, I don't wanna talk to you..  ok, my Cd came in....   "hey, hope you got home safely, call me when you get in." Smiling.  Now see--that's my baby.  I'm thinking she asleep, and she worried about me getting home safe.   WOW  I fall back across the bed, grinning, as I pick up the phone to call

 

 

part 2

  "Hello"
The voice on the other end of the phone is one of pure sensuality.  The way she says, "hey baby",  just melts me.  Hello,  I thought you were asleep,  so I didn't dare wake you.  "I was...just I heard your car start,  and I woke up.  I walked to the window to watch you pull off."  You did?  "yes, I did;  had to make sure the doors were locked also."   And,  were they?   "yesssss..."  I did good,  then....  "You were better than  good,  and you know it...mmmm....I don't know what got into you tonight.  You charmed a sistah's panties off ,  even before she had a chance to offer them up"   LOL.  Did I do that...or was a sistah subtly peeling them off for me...  Either way,  baby, you were great,  and so loving, and so damn sexxy.... 
Every night,  it gets harder and harder to let you go.  One of these days,  it's not gonna be like this.  "yeah,  yeah,  yeah....that's what your mouth says...anyway, baby...I'm going to sleep now;  I see you're safe at home,  and I have an early day tomorrow.  I have a meeting with the buyers at 7;  I have to be in my office by 6:30.  You get some sleep, too.  Don't be online all night, cuz I know your butt gonna get on there ...."  LOL.  "don't laugh, I know you.  Don't make me come on invisible, and catch you doing your dirt...."  Awww,  baby...don't think that.  I might get on,  and check my email,  that's all..then I'm going to bed too.  You kinda wore me out, remember?  "Yes,  I got scratches,  and  swollen lips to remind me"    Muahhh... 
The sound of a sweet kiss can be heard coming from her end of the phone , as she said, "GN Baby, talk to you in the morning"  Gn, I love you.  "I love you more..."  Click.  hmmmmm. 
I log on to my email, and I see junk,  junk,  junk.  Hmmmm.  Wait a minute.....  No she didn't;  a letter from Nicole.  I was just asking a friend about her last week.  Says she is in town for the Spring Festival.  But that's not til the first week in June;  what's she doing here this early.  "Hi Jay,  how's it going?   Still playing hard to get?   I talked to your sister last week,  and she said you aren't doing anything but working.   She never even mentioned that you were dating, so who's the lucky girl?   You wouldn't give me the time of the day......so I hope you happy doing you...LMAO.  Seriously,  let's get together when I come to town;  I'd love to take you out.  We could reconnect, and reminisce......winking.   Ok, gotta run... take care  Nikki"   Hmmmm. Nikki.  Always knew she would be the one who could turn my head, no matter which way it was looking.  But,  I'm not gonna mess this up with my baby,  not when I think she juusssttt might be the one for me.  But I will have dinner with her. 
Couldn't hurt nothing, right?  Right.  Ok, time for bed.  After checking the doors, and turning the lights off,  I strip, turn on the radio,  and jump into bed.  Lying there in the darkness,  I begin to think about the day--how long it seemed.  And my evening with Betty. The awesome time we had together.  And I think to myself...what a wonderful world.  It would only be more wonderful if we could finally be going in the same direction, at the same time.  But, never mind..tomorrow is another day. 
I turn on my side, whisper my prayers...turn out the light.  And, I'm sleep before my head hits the pillow....

A SP Exercise..YOUR CHOICE

you can either do.......
1. Picture inter
2. a one word challenge - ABEYANCE - temporary suspension or cessation
3 a first line challenge - "No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find"
4 do all three...(hee hee...for my overachievers)

 

 

On The Wings Of ....

No matter what I search for
You let me know
when it is LOVE
that I find
My heart always
is a step in front
while
my desires
they trail
not far behind
held in abeyance
by your
sweet,
humble way
you have with me
To them,
you are a lion
pouncing downward
for the kill
With me,
your gentle words
whisper
'peace, be still'
Flying south
where autumn's plight
begins
I would linger
with thee anywhere
because
you fulfill
all my wants within
As the seasons come
and go
and, as sure
as the wind dost blow
You can be assured
that
our love
has endured
and I will be within your touch
today,
and evermore

....My Love