Many Waves Rolling In......a MIC Write #45

Closing in on the mesmerizing watered pictorial before me
drawn to the darkness metamorphosing into a spiritually picketed exorcism....
nostalgia burns cold as I am frozen back at the place
where my saddest stories are told
Mini-waves roll in close as I finally reach the shore
.... having no direction on where to crest
or where opens my next test
My mind knows....as my soul unfolds
and I receive scold for whatever is in store
The darkness whistles across waters
tending the dis-remembering of misdirection of wants,
un-healing to open wounds,
that have no way of healing anytime soon

"What have I done??"

Many waves asking kindly....
how I could add one mistake...onto another one
Nothing can compare to the double-edged guilt,
like sharpened razors,
cutting deeply into my lungs

She wasn't the intended victim
She ended up here trying to abase my fear
...and became...the one I slayed and defamed
for only helping me erase the existent pain
Hours spent listening...counseling...occupying intimate space
honestly seeking to erase the hurting hatred boiling over
into my already damaged soul
I hated that all those times, to her, I wouldn't give in,
because I knew I was gonna need her as my friend,
that one night of weakness has become
my ego's unforgivable sin

I hated that I loved him so much...
and deep in my heart
I wasn't able to just let him go.
Yet one second changed everything
when I ended up with her...
on their bedroom floor,
perfecting untitled muted tones
as a quick way to help me move on
I was able to only momentarily forget
the temporary light that showed how I'd come
as close to forever as I was gonna get
She made the crossover to being the forgotten and unwanted
to the unforgotten and want one of amplified glamour
It was the end anyway, with the doors closed
...slammed shut in my face
losing the love of my life to his brand new wife

What I called my solid foundation,
my inspiration, my passion prototype....
my hope...all gone....with little hype
Feeling the love burning cold inside me, I released,
creating a larceny of all my teaching times
and waiting for you tomorrows,
and almost every....if this world were mine.
I followed fate back to shore
The darkness my only safety now...
as I tried to make the glamour of pensively amplified days disappear
By running away...by blinking my eyes...by letting fate decide
as I wished I were already on my way into another day
I only saw flashbacks of peaked mountains
made out of memories, night-dreams, and drawn out plans
 made together but broken up by rocks
and locks of ebbing reality creeping up to shore



Closing my eyes, becoming lost in capsuled tears
I became wet, with a hinting of regret....hoping he would appear
She offered a body in place of the one that was gone
lending my pain and loneliness a damn good makeshift home
I searched my heart for the words that wouldn't hurt,
for phrases from songs that played, and shaded the reason I don't sleep
that could in some describe what I was feeling...with the company
that this night blessed me to keep
I found none.  Only purging pain...digging deeper
and deeper into unwitting flesh playing silly games
The more she comforted, the more she became a torrential release
I let my tear-dropped pain rain down on her
....and into her peace
Subtle pushes of the waters...back and forth,
back and forth...to shore
washing over me...making me unashamedly want more
I wanted to drown in the comfort she skillfully gave
hiding behind walls of ancient game
and rightful blame
I felt justified in my pain
as I pounded into her
like she understood...accepted it all
and was truly interested in my gain
Lying in her arms....looking out the window,
tears streaming down my face,
wiped free by she,
kissing my forehead,
she whispered softly to me.
' I understand...I'm here now...
your past is dead '

" The more concerned we become over the things we can't control,
the less we will do with the things we can control. "

 .......amidst waves dancing prolifically back to shore,
oh how so very bad I wanted to misrecollect
the affect that rejection has on the core













jak(1/13/12)