KEYS TO MY HEART...Part 1

Is that you? You're home early.  I hadn't quite packed, but if you will just give me a few minutes, I will have all of my bags put in the car, and we can be ready to go.  I made sure all the bills were paid up through next month. That will give you time to get situated.  The food will run out by the end of next week, and you will have to grocery shop.  I know you hate that, but you gonna have to get used to it.  The storage number is on the front of the phone book.  What else?  "I guess you thought of everything....except why you're leaving..."

She slammed her pocketbook down on the kitchen table, sat down, and exhaled.  I'm sitting on the sofa, flipping through the Ebony magazine. trying not to incite another fight.  One of many we've had lately.  It must be something in the air.  She swears it's me.  Saying I'm going through the change of life.  And, I'm saying she is too easily influenced by those people who want her to be just like they are.  And, where are they?  Stuck.  In hopeless marriages, and situations even they don't wanna be in.  Every one of them are cheating on their lovers.  Not one can say that they are really happy.  She had one friend, who distanced herself from them all, when her partner saw her friends coming in between their affair.  At least someone could break away.  But, can I get her to see it?  No.  She convinced it's me.  And,I'm convinced  that if she wants to be with them, I won't stop her. 

"What do you want from me?  I told you it's not about you.  It's me.  My friends did not influence this decision; no one tells me what to do.  I am my own person.  We have been together for a long time, Baby.  We practically have grown into each other's life...space.  You and me--we seem to be so close, but we're beginning to get on each other's nerves.  You don't like my friends.  The ones we both have partied with, and hung out with.  You are too suspicious of where I am when I'm not around you.  You accuse me of cheating, constantly.  You're paranoid; thinking everything wrong in my life has something to do with you.  When I 'do' get home, I come to you, attempting to find a little loving and understanding from my woman...and what do you do?  Question me.  I can't take it anymore.  And, it's not because I don't love you, because I really do.  We need space...."   Her voice breaks, in tears.  I walk over to hold her, and she pushes me away.  "Baby, can you give us one more chance at love. 

Lets work on this.  We both wanted the same things once.  We can get there again.  I know my temper gets the best of me, as well as my jealousy.  But don't we have a foundation, something to work forward to...plans?"  She just looked at me, while I was pouring my heart out.  Looking right through me, to whatever was ahead of her, once she closed that door, for the last time.  I knew she wasn't coming back.  I got this feeling in my gut.  This knot.  That says it's over. 

She gets up, goes into the bathroom, and slams the door.  I wanna follow her, but I don't, knowing.....it's no use.  Realistically speaking, you can love someone all you want; you can give them all of you, hoping that your efforts are conducive to something that will last.  But, we live our lives moments at a time, frame after frame.  The pictures change, just as our intentions do---right before our eyes.  Sure, I had faults.  We all do.  When people say love, do they really know what they are saying?  Some only say it because it sounds sexy, and because you think it's the means to get what you want out of that person.  We made our rules in the beginning.  We made our mutual existence...favoring what each other wanted in a companion.  But, over the course of time, we grew in different directions.  I guess you only need someone as far as you're supposed to go with each other.  Is that a bad thing?  No.  Love shared...is never bad.  It's a learning experience.  It's growth.  It's pain.  It's life. 

Who can say they have went through life, not having felt any pain.  It's almost impossible. 
She is in there, crying, I know.  Crying because she knows she hurt me.  I know her.  But, what she don't know is..."I will be alright"  But, will she?  She is too quick to slam a door, yell, "Leave me alone"  We both have to learn to work on our tempers.  And learn to trust each other if we ever want to have anything...whether it's together, or with someone else. 

"It's time to go, you about ready" she said.  She came out the bathroom...hurrying past me, so I wouldn't know she was crying.  I heard her sniffling.  'Yeah, if you are.  I wish you the best.  I hope things can work out for us...  and I think this will help both of us.'  "But, you know I love you.  I just need some time.  Some space.  I need to breathe.  Can you give me that?  For once, trust me..."   She grabbed me, as I opened the door, and kissed me.  I offered a light kiss, and we left....