Proverbs 3:25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
Every since I was little, I was a scary child. The first one to cry. Afraid of almost anything I could not control. Some of my earlier fears, which have followed me into my adult life are a fear of animals, heights, the dark, flying, and speaking in public. We are taught that fear is of the devil. But, sometimes things frighten me to the point that it interferes with my life.
When I was in school, everyone who knew me, knew I was very shy. I would not get up to speak in front of people for 'nothing'. I often took failing grades until my teachers realized that it wasn't that I didn't do the work; I just wasn't gonna read it in class. This spilled over into my church activities very often. I loved participating in the choir, the usher groups, and all the committees. I remember being in the choir, and they tried to get me to sing a song, with my best friend. A no go. I couldn't. I liked ushering because I only walked them to their seats, and went back to the door, and stood. But, when someone called me to send a message, or get something from someone, I cringed.
When I was in high school, a dog bit me, and I swore to myself I would never live in a house with animals.
And, I never have. I am afraid of snakes, spiders, caterpillars, and grasshoppers. And, let's not forget seagulls. When I would go to Atlantic City, on the boardwalk, I would freak out when they would come so close to me, even walking alongside me.
My fear of heights, and flying may be related. The ascension that I feel going up in elevators is so frightening. The hospital here only has six floors. Only in the last 4 years have I been able to go past the fourth floor. That's because a friend just talked me into it. Another friend has offered me an airplane ride anywhere, and I have yet to take it. That means I will have one less fear. I'm still praying on that one.
My everyday fears that I have no control over are of being shot, murdered, raped, losing my mind, something happening to my son, my family, a terrorist act, being in a car wreck (I just hate driving fast on the interstate...too many people to trust), and the biggest one...not being ready when it's my time to leave this world.
I know I do my thing, I am living beneath my privilege. My life is not spiritually where it should be. The human part of me has not come fully under subjection of what I know is right in my heart. But, I am learning, living, and looking forward to become a better me, day by day. it's a race...against time. A battle, that I hope, and pray to win.
I figure, if I stay away from animals, elevators, airplanes, dangerous situations,away from mics and podiums, I will have a handle of the fear. LOL. I will have done all I can do to make sure I live a life of faith.
your shyness is unique
your shyness is special
your shyness is strong
to be shy is not weak
for our minds are strong.
i see your shyness
i think its kinda cute
i see you peeking out
that window.......
go ahead...BLUSH!
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF......?
OH JOYCE THIS IS A NICE POST. AFTER THIS POEM YESTERDAY LSPEAR IN HIS COMMENTS LEFT A COUPLE OF SOURCES ABOUT SHYNESS. HE MENTIONED THAT HE HAD SHYNESS GROWING UP AS WELL. ALOT OF PEOPLE WILL NEVER ADMIT TO THEIR SHYNESS BUT AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT TOTALLY HANICAP OR DAMAGE THEM IN LIFE.
ReplyDeleteHOW I STARTED THIS SMALL WRITING WAS THAT HOMEBOY WAS LOOKING OUT HIS WINDOW(PEEKING) ONE DAY AND I HAPPENED TO LOOK UP AND HE JUST BLUSH TURNED HIS HEAD AND THEN HE SMILED. I REALIZED THAT THIS CHILD IS SHY JUST LIKE I WAS AT HIS AGE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE HAS SO MANY QUALITIES AND BEHAVIORS LIKE I POSSESSED GROWING UP. LIKE WHEN HE USED TO CALL ME ON THE PHONE WANTING SOMETHING, I CAN TELL HE WANTED SOMETHING, LIKE MONEY FOR LUNCH, SOMETHING. HE STAYED SILENT TOO LONG AND I WOULD SAY..OK, WHAT DO YOU NEED OR WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY? HE REPLIED "NOTHING" NOW I KNEW BETTER. EVENTUALLY HE WOULD EITHER SAY WHAT IT WAS OR I WOULD EVENTUALLY ASK HIM WOULD YOU LIKE THIS OR THAT? I KNEW HIM SO WELL.....ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD OF HIM EVEN NOW! AND I AM STILL SHY AND HE IS TOO, BUT THERE IS STRENGTH WITH BOTH OF US THAT STANDS OUT AT TIMS..
I FEAR ELEVATORS A LITTLE BIT NOW..WAS TOTALLY AFRAID GROWING UP, WE LIVED ON THE NINTHR FLOOR IN NEWARK AND WE GOT STUCK TOO MANY TIMES. I STARTED WALKING UP 9 FLIGHTS. AT 8 OR 9 YEARS OLD.. NOW, I DON'T LIKE ELEVATORS ALONE, BUT I WILL GET IN ONE, HOPING AND PRAYING WITH EYES CLOSED THAT DOOR WILL OPEN.....
I FEAR BEING RAPED AT GUNPOINT, SOMETHING HAPPENING TO MY CHILD OUT THERE, FEAR GETTING MARRIED AGAIN OR GIVING MY LOVE AGAIN ONLY TO BE ABANDONED. I RATHER STAY IN MY COMFORT AND SAFETY NET. DOING WHAT I DO BEST WITH MUSIC AND SONG WITH A LIL JEAN NATE BODY SPLASH, OH HOW PLEASANT THE AROMA!