"Untitled"......A Wordfix@56 Write #16 (Sorry)

Love keeps looking at me
...like it knows me...
It seems familiar,
but I've only heard of it....
It makes me wish that it would sit up here
and talk to me
I know it only wishes to stroke me right out of my dress
.....
with finesse
 and, under duress...
leave me in a disheveled mess

Deliver Me From Frustration........A MIC Write # 47

" My vibrator, which brings me heaven, Rabbit be thy name.
You make me cum, you bring such fun, on earth - or is it heaven?
Give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams
as I forgive those who sold me dud batteries.
Lead me straight into temptation. Deliver me from frustration.
For thine is the vibration, the power and rotation.
For ever and ever. No Men! "



Simply....through the pages of experience
can I deeply understand what I'm feeling at this moment
Thoughts and motivations of others smother me
...drinking me in conceptually
No sign is sent from above to cover me
Revelation being a changer..a turner to another page
angers me
My real life....stranded on some tropical island with zero patience
forces this meeting....
the stand off of a commission of memories
telling my history like it's supposed to unravel
but...it isn't.
And whose fault is it...
who is really to blame...
when the morning light is slow to come
when the hero of my heart withered and ran away from a storm
almost like this water running out when I've washed all that is irrelevant away
Only now.....I'm supposed to be overwhelmed with a deity of color--
turquoise, campanila, mauve...and shades of white
coming...to play hide and seek with me
bent on un-troubling me

How can I let on that what I really got is a migraine
from strain.....from thinking in portals of fractured manipulations
unfolding...righting my transition as I fight to the finish
for this one last gifted version of happy

Uncensored......unchained by hundreds of warring words
bringing the fire in like little birds disturbing the quiet....here I lie
feet arched in turmoiled peace...waiting in deep contemplation
bubbled over in this temple of drawn inspiration
aching for a tender touch that will move me
away from this purified hypnotic truce
I found it...and now.....
I must go to it

Am I doing the right thing
or am I settling for another one of  life's reason why...

I can no longer live with the females version
of the lord's prayer








jak(1/27/12)

Real Deal Friends........A CRC Write #66

Just kicking,
together
Smiles abound
Alright,
no frowns
Surrounded
friendly glow
Objectives,
new perspectives
Dreams,
wiser ambitions
Forgiveness,
unconditional thinking
Letting go
Reconsidering


" Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for "



....each day we wake
with joy,
peace within,
Any day is a good day
to be kicking it with real deal friends
intrigued at a chance
for a new start.

Hmmmmmm....A Word Fix@56 Write

....Mmmmmm,
they don't make em like they used to

A passionate lover....cares for you like a mom,
scolds you like a dad,
teases like a sister,
irritates like a brother....
and wants to love on you
just as much as you want to breathe

so why would I stop love from entering into my world 

My Favorite Quote

"To be born a human being is a rare event in itself, and it is wise to use this opportunity as effectively and skillfully as possible. We must have the proper perspective, that of the universal life process, so that the happiness or glory of one person or group is not sought at the expense of others." ~ Dalai Lama

*If you have a favorite quote, please feel free to share it.....

A Few Drinks Ago.......A MIC Write #46

I confess....a few drinks ago...one...two...three

four...five..six...umm...Seven.......I was planning on just chilling out
The evening found me.....alone
home....weak......and hungry...again
filled with a want...a need.....I couldn't describe it

I was just feeling it..letting my mind run free
A lingering in the pit of my stomach....longing for satisfaction

that my mental.....nor my body cared to hide anymore
My legs and my arms needed to feel someone else.....they needed to feel you
I offer no explanation...no excuse.....

for this ravenous state I stumbled into

I was sitting there...in my own moistened stupor
feeling like a...icky....sticky... wet dream come alive under me
My nipples..hardened a long time ago...

still tingling beneath my clothes...so, I removed them
My loins burning hot...from this assault....this attack...this invasion....on my body

"The prayer closet is the arena which produces the overcomer."

Hmphhh...I couldn't even pray this one away...nawww
In the stillness of the morning...it's there...you were right there
You woke me...or did I fall semi-conscious...as the memories came flashing back
Supernatural it had to be...

the way I thought it to be...that it was just you and me

I closed my eyes....and it feels like....like ten pairs of hands were...
all over me.... fondling me...teasing me

The one that held my mouth...and I didn't complain
and with no effort at all...my resistence fell...as you whispered my name

Even if I prayed...and my prayer was answered,
I wouldn't have felt you any clearer..or, and nearer
I've slept alone for so long.....and that was to your advantage
because I've been rendered....

famnined....

hell, I'm hungry

I'm hungry

...I'm hungry, baby...feed me

Not that I could have eaten just anything..and been fulfilled

My passion is taken

I'm taken...I want you
My desires for you would never set me free
I didn't want them to

Turned on..as my own cool hands cupped my breasts..

I wanted them to be yours
Squeezing them...pulling them.....

and molding them into the shape of hands I imagine feel like yours

Feels so good to me...your fingernails grazing me..penetrating the space

all about my face...my mouth..and back
I don't protest....I can't
My body tenses
as I feel another pair of hands about my waist
sliding me to a comfortable position in your trenches
teeth clinch....well, because some fingers slide slowly, snugly inside
pushing my legs apart....to reveal the moisture amassed

I'm struggling within myself now....saying hey..you're not asleep
but, my excitement spills
I cannot hide how much I approve of you...in the middle of my spoon
Then I lose control
......
......
.........
...............
.......

and the force of all the hands
get bold..real bold....and hotter

Then...there is pulling
teasing
touching
twisting
flicking
licking
poking
stroking
groping
all over me
in a flurry of assault
and...at the moment of climax
my body shifts
and I'm lifted from the bed
Sweat dripping
speaking in tongues
I come like a rushing tide
and I fall back to the bed on my side
Delirious
tired
wired
yet satisfied...
a few drinks later

　I wonder

................

is she thinking about me

 

Also done in Spoken Word if you'd like to listen:

http://gashaus.multiply.com/music/item/268?mark_read=gashaus:music:268&replies_read=8

jakuper (9/17/09)

I Am A Tree.........a CRC write #65

I am a tree.....
exhaling.
inhaling
prevailing
leaving nothing to be desired
as Spirit freshly mesmerizes air delicately spewed
through and through
to the heart of me
Standing at attention
amidst persnickety life force heaving
in shallow curtsies
of unbelievable gratitude,
burning in purpose,
as it finds its new home
deep deep within

How it is that the simplest of things
seeping down inside the very roots of soul
emoving and painting the new.....and the old
bring  me forth as a story yet to be told
...I do not need to know

There is now no fear before...or after
I've given it my all
for it is only then that I worry
that I could fall
Like a tree, I, unassumingly jeweled
with everything I need to grow...stand forevermore
Tall...refined.... flowered...and pruned
dressed and undressed in life's fitting room
Purged of unbelievable thorns and stick-ly stems,
my presence conjures validation
and deliveration of yet-ly manifested dangers within
But I know...if I fall
it will be me..adjourning
victoriously into the forest of life
to new adventures,
a perfect place for rainbow heavens
and unbelievable sacrifice
I am an outlet to all my dreams
when I remember who is at the doorway
as I'm walking in







jak(1/18/12)

Sheltered Walk......A WordFix@56 Write #14

Pages of time tossed to and fro
like too big shoes
Sinking slowly into the gray of night
searching for some good news
at the end of the day
Finding dawn
walking out of muted whispers
in the dark of loneliness

The founder of the wind....God of peace
shelter me

from the places I been

Many Waves Rolling In......a MIC Write #45

Closing in on the mesmerizing watered pictorial before me
drawn to the darkness metamorphosing into a spiritually picketed exorcism....
nostalgia burns cold as I am frozen back at the place
where my saddest stories are told
Mini-waves roll in close as I finally reach the shore
.... having no direction on where to crest
or where opens my next test
My mind knows....as my soul unfolds
and I receive scold for whatever is in store
The darkness whistles across waters
tending the dis-remembering of misdirection of wants,
un-healing to open wounds,
that have no way of healing anytime soon

"What have I done??"

Many waves asking kindly....
how I could add one mistake...onto another one
Nothing can compare to the double-edged guilt,
like sharpened razors,
cutting deeply into my lungs

She wasn't the intended victim
She ended up here trying to abase my fear
...and became...the one I slayed and defamed
for only helping me erase the existent pain
Hours spent listening...counseling...occupying intimate space
honestly seeking to erase the hurting hatred boiling over
into my already damaged soul
I hated that all those times, to her, I wouldn't give in,
because I knew I was gonna need her as my friend,
that one night of weakness has become
my ego's unforgivable sin

I hated that I loved him so much...
and deep in my heart
I wasn't able to just let him go.
Yet one second changed everything
when I ended up with her...
on their bedroom floor,
perfecting untitled muted tones
as a quick way to help me move on
I was able to only momentarily forget
the temporary light that showed how I'd come
as close to forever as I was gonna get
She made the crossover to being the forgotten and unwanted
to the unforgotten and want one of amplified glamour
It was the end anyway, with the doors closed
...slammed shut in my face
losing the love of my life to his brand new wife

What I called my solid foundation,
my inspiration, my passion prototype....
my hope...all gone....with little hype
Feeling the love burning cold inside me, I released,
creating a larceny of all my teaching times
and waiting for you tomorrows,
and almost every....if this world were mine.
I followed fate back to shore
The darkness my only safety now...
as I tried to make the glamour of pensively amplified days disappear
By running away...by blinking my eyes...by letting fate decide
as I wished I were already on my way into another day
I only saw flashbacks of peaked mountains
made out of memories, night-dreams, and drawn out plans
 made together but broken up by rocks
and locks of ebbing reality creeping up to shore



Closing my eyes, becoming lost in capsuled tears
I became wet, with a hinting of regret....hoping he would appear
She offered a body in place of the one that was gone
lending my pain and loneliness a damn good makeshift home
I searched my heart for the words that wouldn't hurt,
for phrases from songs that played, and shaded the reason I don't sleep
that could in some describe what I was feeling...with the company
that this night blessed me to keep
I found none.  Only purging pain...digging deeper
and deeper into unwitting flesh playing silly games
The more she comforted, the more she became a torrential release
I let my tear-dropped pain rain down on her
....and into her peace
Subtle pushes of the waters...back and forth,
back and forth...to shore
washing over me...making me unashamedly want more
I wanted to drown in the comfort she skillfully gave
hiding behind walls of ancient game
and rightful blame
I felt justified in my pain
as I pounded into her
like she understood...accepted it all
and was truly interested in my gain
Lying in her arms....looking out the window,
tears streaming down my face,
wiped free by she,
kissing my forehead,
she whispered softly to me.
' I understand...I'm here now...
your past is dead '

" The more concerned we become over the things we can't control,
the less we will do with the things we can control. "

 .......amidst waves dancing prolifically back to shore,
oh how so very bad I wanted to misrecollect
the affect that rejection has on the core













jak(1/13/12)

No More Rain...a WordsFix@56 Write #13

No more rain...YES!!!

In time it gets a little bit better
When seasons change
count your blessings
What goes up...
must come down

I gotta tell you
If I'm lying, I'm flying
Look alive
Yes, things are crazy
Yes, the world's going nuts
Yet, deep underneath the stormy facades
there's still pure love out there

Running......a FIAF Write #70

Running you
through dream after dream
You always got somewhere else to go
......just tiring me out......
 out of control in a good way
Whatever it takes to stop me from losing it
This hunger
making me make a fool of myself
 crying, lying....dying inside
trying to pretend
I can drink....

when I can't

WHO ARE YOU......REALLY?

LOOK UP YOUR BIRTHDAY AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE...

January 01 - 09 ~ Dog
January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse
January 25 - 31 ~ Lion

February 01 - 05 ~ Cat
February 06 - 14 ~ Dove
February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle
February 22 - 28 ~ Panther

March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey
March 13 - 15 ~ Cat
March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse
March 24 - 31 ~ Lion

April 01 - 03 ~ Dog
April 04 - 14 ~ Panther
April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse
April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle

May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey
May 14 - 21 ~ Dove
May 22 - 31 ~ Lion

June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse
June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle
June 15 - 20 ~ Dog
June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey
June 25 - 30 ~ Cat

July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse
July 10 - 15 ~ Dog
July 16 - 26 ~ Dove
July 27 - 31 ~ Cat

August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
August 16 - 25 ~ Mouse
August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle

September 01 - 14 ~ Dove
September 15 - 27 ~ Cat
September 28 - 30 ~ Dog

October 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle
October 28 - 31 ~ Panther

November 01 - 16 ~ Lion
November 17 - 30 ~ Cat

December 01 - 16 ~ Dog
December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey
December 26 - 31 ~ Dove

If you are a...

Dog: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

Mouse: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

Lion: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. Popular and easy-going. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. People love the way you always treat them. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!!

Cat: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

Turtle: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace, You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

Dove: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....

Panther: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

Monkey: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are.

The Way Love Grows........ CRC Write #64

I want you
I need you
I need you so much
No....I need you 'too much

It is so inconceivable that I need to love you
more than I need to love myself
and I want to take care of you
almost more than care for myself
but I do...

I've reached a crucial point in my life
I've withdrawn my own heart from feeling safe
or secure.

Sure.....I can walk away,
but I don't know how to absolve this pain
I did the best I could...to stay sane
but the damage...is done
and I am the only one I can blame

I wanted you too much
I know it now
Knowing....nothing is set in stone,
but I really believed we were....
Life, love, and liberty....I needed it
My hunger for you.....I fed it
I put all my trust in you...
and your sensually gasconading behaviour
that I thought you saved
just for my ears and eyes
Now, I am paying the price for my blind faith
That price has succeeded in destroying my confidence in love
I thought it was real love
But.....I now know the difference

The kind I was looking for....
it doesn't leave you standing out in the rain,
it doesn't walk the other way when the chips are plea-bargained,
it doesn't turn away when it doesn't understand
that it's tear brings out more than a simple scare
The kind of love I wanted from you
it waited for understanding.
It waited for validation....every day
because..." that's the way love grows "

I know.....silly me.
but, it's ok.
The one thing I promised God
at midnight the last day of the past year,
this time around
is that no matter who leaves my life...
I will never turn it away from Him again.

You had that one thing I desired.....
Freedom.
And you flaunted it dangerously before me
You promised it to me.
You vowed we would share it
It was through the very pain that you caused me
that I learned...
whom God set free...
is free indeed.
I was already complete,
already fully loved,
and free
I never needed you to give it to me
Subconsciously...now thinking--
" You couldn't give it to me, anyway!"

I found that out when I realized you were leaving again
and you weren't coming back

[I needed you too much]

In my pain and silence I checked myself,
repeatedly
discreetly
and completely
and found the essence of me
"I was still free"
What exists now
is a manifested liberty
that you 'couldn't possibly'
have given to me.
You thought you broke me
or demoted me
while with your lies
you affectionately stroked me
Your game successfully okie-doked me
Okay...that battle is yours
but the war....I win!

You thought I was so desperate to have love
that I would risk compounding the pessimism I already felt
with your undeniably tempting charm,
your sensual tease,
 your devious mental caresses
meant to manipulate me,
and your twisted sense of loyalty that I really despised
But guess what.....you equipped me
with the sense to know
I will survive


You know what....you just woke me.

You made me realize...finally
that what you took away is really not so unique...
or indispensable

it can easily be replaced.

Time Reinvented.......a MIC Write #44

In unwinding
blinding
silence
I learn myself
to pause... again
cause if I can't
 nothing worthwhile
will catch up to me

I realize it's late in the evening
I'm remembering how I hate how my downtime
just as much as my frown time
It's always interrupted
like knocks crashing in my door
uninvited
as I try to understand everything
over
and over
and over
again

 

In time's erratic ebb
as silence loudly speaks to me,
knocking over rules ,
rudely making me late
for dessert on destiny's plate
I wait for thoughts
running after thoughts
running
after thoughts
that steal every chance I bought
to cross the vast cloudy and blue
of what I failed to do

Faster

FASTER

faster

Faster
than the speed
of hundreds of heartbeats
running across the calm of dawn
here you come
I beg my self...STOP
I rebuke you
I include you
I deploy you
I enjoy you
stop....I'm trying 'not' to catch up to you

Even though I don't admit
how I long to see you
everywhere I go
even when you're hiding
between the rhythms of slither,
 trapped in syncopates of caressing memories
lingering somewhere
along my mental,
I know I can't catch you
so.....I laugh
over
and over
and over
again


Happy silence finds me
with time reinvented
thinking
deeply
to myself
that never to be able to hear you again
would be such a blow
and that wherever I go
you go
but I can't catch you



Smoothly
your essence flows through me
almost like you already know me
and you got something
to show me
I can't help but think
you're more alright with me

than you are
without me


I just can't let you know








jak(1/4/12)

My Gift To You.........A FIAF Write #69

looking for desire
as I enter your existence,
the affirmation of our connect,
watching as my gift catches your glance
Something in your eyes....
confirms it all
Feeling that warm affirmative nod
as our thoughts
collide

Nothing is familiar about this day
except the presence of you
and how you accept presents
from me




jak(1/2/12)