Constant Diversions........a Roggy MPC #22

"What are you gonna do now..?"

I don't know, Mac
it just seemed like I was 'always' longing for 'something' 'something bigger' something more
than what kept us apart
while wrestling to the ground plans
of winning her heart

"I remember when you two first got together.  It was just so electric...you see one, you see the other.  Actually Mom thought you would elope.  And the wedding...wow.....we all knew...that was it for you"

I know...memories...of how I screwed up
keep me awake at night
...the afterthoughts...
knock on my heart's door
making a mouse out of me
and made our home
a place where even strangers could enter
..and feel more at home than we were

"I'm so sorry you feeling so hurt.  I know she still loves you, man.  Who wouldn't?"

and...you know...every since she left,
I've been looking for a way
to say I messed up
I did it this time
...hid behind work,
wanting more, more, more
thinking it would be so different
if we had what the Joneses had...you know
...now, if she was here with me
that's all I wanted

I tell you...all those constant diversions,
and subtle sabotaging
hiding behind my own subjective doubt
pushed me here

"Hey, you human. Who breaks up for one mistake??"

Just don't you make the same mistakes I made


[uneasy silence amidst the chatter of dishes, forks, stacks of plates, people yelling orders behind closed doors]



And you know what...
I actually predicted how it would end...
even though I act clueless now...
I orchestrated my own pain

" She will forgive you..and come back.  You'll see.  Just have a little faith in second chances, and realizing that to the world you might be one person, and to one person...you might be the world...drink up, brother, I gotcha...."

I dread the day I won't think of her
it's all I've done for so long
She picked out our furniture
We decorated the place
She bought my shoes,
my socks,
chose the colors for the rooms....
She knew how to calm me
and charm me

One day, little brother
 after the worst day of my life
........and I wish I could take it all back
I wish she were coming back
instead of making a new life with someone
she doesn't even know

" I'm here for you.  if its meant to be..she will see..."

Hell.....the world is confusing enough
without knowing just what to do
The realtors are coming tomorrow,
I got to find me a smaller place
The time we spent drinking wisdom's bittersweet cup
is now the time to get my act together
and realize that today has now become
the day after the day I never thought
would ever happen









jakuper (7/24/11)