Confessions Of Convicted Killer

 

**A Mashito Exercise.  Sensitive Subject Matter**

 

kill em all!  kill em all! kill em all!.....

I screamed, as I slammed my fist on the table.  Icy stares from frightened reporters only fueled my rage.  I smiled.  Rolled my neck around in a circular motion.  Licked my lips, slowly, and began to speak...

WTF you looking at?  I'm gonna tell you this...one time.  And, one time only.  So, listen closely!   After this, if you feel the need to fry me, then go ahead.  My soul is too cold to even fucking care. 

I died inside the day they took my sister away.  Moms worked like a fucking dog.  Sorry ass father was no where around.  Bastard never showed up.  One sorry ass nigga after another...wanting me to call him dad.  He fucking my moms, and while she at work, he fucking my little sister. Dared us to tell.  We helpless.  If we told, the state would take us away.  Separate us.  I had to hold my little sister at night, after they went to bed.  Listened,  while he fucked her.    She moaning, and groaning.  "Fuck me Daddy"  I still hear her.  And, it drove me wild.  Becuz while he fucking my moms, I'm holding Tasha, wiping her tears.  Taking my shirt, wiping the blood from her torn clothes.  Afraid to touch her.  Afraid to let her sleep alone.  Every fucking night, almost...he took her.  She wasn't even developed.  Her body shook, in my arms.  She would fall asleep in my arms, finally, after crying for hours.  Her little body jumping in her sleep.  I couldn't sleep. (holding my head, grimacing...) I was only fifteen.  But, I promised her, I would take care of it. 

In school, I stayed close to her.  If someone touched her, I would beat them up.  I learned to street fight, so I could protect her.  I was flunking out of school.  My moms was too blind to see what the fukka was doing.  Blinded by that love shyt, that dick.  I can still hear Tasha saying, 'He hurt me, he hurt me.  Please make him stop.  Why won't mommy help me?  I'm so tired...' 

I would dream of her words, haunting me.  To ease my own pain, I started drinking.  I stole liquor from my mom's stash.  I would steal from my friends house.  My habit became worse.  At a friend's house one night, and they left me there alone, while they went to the store.  I knew where the stash was.  I went to get it.  There was a loaded gun right there.  I took it.  I thought about my sister.  I decided, I was gonna make it right for her.  He wouldn't touch her again.  I put the gun in my pocket, and headed home.  Running.

I only reached the end of the street.  I stopped.  Something in me panicked.  I started running towards the house.  What was wrong.  Something was wrong.  I just knew it.  I opened the door.  My moms was at work.  As usual.  An eerie silence.  I could hear my own heart beating, as fast as my feet were running.  I went to my room, opened the door. Tasha.  She was sitting there.  Bloodied.  Hair full of blood.  Snot running down her face.  A thousand tears on her moistened face, and clothes.  She was shaking.  I lost it. 

I took my gun out of my pocket, and ran to my mothers room.  I knew he had done it this time.  He went to far...  I pushed the door open.  "what the hell have you done to my sister?  Tell me, mutha fukka!  Tell me now, so I can send you to Hell!"  He looked at me, and smiled.  He laughed, actually.  I can still hear that laugh.  "I gave the little bitch what she was gonna get anyway.  She was hot, anyway. Mammy never looked after her properly.  Left her with all these different men.  She know men is dogs, anyway.  I just got to her first.  She tasted like fresh eggs, right outta the hen house.  (sucking his teeth) Kinda tasty.  But you see, she needed to be broke in....before some no good bastard gets a hold to her.  Best if she get it from someone who knows her.  I helped raise her.  So, I'm entitled to some of that.  She took this dick, too.  I think she loved it.  what you think?  See, I thought tonight would be a good time to introduce her to a little back door action, you see.  (sucking his teeth)Only she was a little pouting, acting like it hurt.  Kinda split her up a little.  She'll heal.  They always do.   I think you need a little of this sweet dick, too.  What you say?'  I was frozen.  Looking at him in horror, as he talked.  Unable to speak. 

I reached in my pocket, to get the gun. He was gonna die.  He would never touch my Tasha again.  or me.  I would take her, and run away.  Moms never loved us.  If she did, she wouldn't leave us with this monster.  She never saw through him.  She never saw through any man who she left us with.  They always treated us mean.

I tried to pull the trigger, and he snatched the gun.  He took it, and smacked me with it.  I told him he would never get away with it.  He laughed in my face, and said he would.....because he would frame me.  And, he did.  I served seven years, in detention halls; received years of counseling, and was registered as a sex offender.  And, I never assaulted anyone.  I got out, and did odd jobs.  Changed my name.  My identity.  Moved around alot.  Everywhere I went, I came across the same shyt I was running from.  Mothers leaving their daughters with men they hardly knew.

NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME WITH STRANGERS!  I slammed my fists on the interview table.  (the guard quickly grabbed me)Helpless little girls, (sniffing)at the mercy of dirty men.  Sexual predators.  Demons.  And, I vowed to kill EVERY ONE!  Each time I killed one, my little sister would clap for me.  Like she did before it all started.  She was happy.  We had good times.  Today, she in a mental institution.  Rotting away.  Don't know nobody.  No one can touch her.  But me.  It pains me to visit her.  When I get ready to leave, she fights me, to stay with her.  So he won't fuck her again.  I still hear her screams.  Still feel her holding me so tight.  (grabbing my head...with both hands)  Still smell the blood on her hands, as she held me tight...so many nights.  And, I see my moms...Didn't even have a clue.  Never knew that the man she was fucking, was fucking her own daughter.

kill em all  kill em all  kill em all.....

There you have it.  Why I kill.  Why I will not stop....until Tasha stops crying in my ear.  Until she is whole again.  Until I know no child will be molested by some no good mutha fukka.  Revenge for my Tasha.  (Sniffing, through tears...)    Revenge for her innocence.  Stolen,  Savagely ripped from her.  I had to let myself be convicted, so she could be taken from my moms.  Her bloodied body.  I can still see it.  When they took her away. 

My moms got strung out on crack.  thanks to some dealer.  Some do good er, who wanted to help her get Tasha back.  So you see...my life is over.  I have nothing else to live for. 

I will kill, until I am killed. 

If you a good daddy, be a good daddy.  To your kids, and anyone's kids.  Children don't ask to be here.  They don't ask for the pain we bastards inflict on them. 

"Fathers:  love your children..."