Encompassing.......FIAF #33

feeling this...this rumbling tremble
as I'm nearing you
Reality becomes instantly cloudy
as you have this way about you
warm
.....encompassing....
mysterious
My hands...automatically seek permission
to touch you as we greet
Everything inside me makes me say...

"Jeg Elsker Dig"

Dignity escapes me as I dance over to you
introducing myself as
your
next

nightmare









jakuper (4/26/11)

Just Like I Dreamed (Add A Line)

.

It happened...
just like I dreamed
angel wings
flapping as they carried me
along the shore
Determined was I to even the score
that I ran instead of walked
I knew it wasn't the end
I needed to know so much more

So, looking inquisitively into the sky
my questions began..

it must be a happy person..here..
I only dream of floating along a river...
in a little boat..
with a white parasol..
smiling at the ...world

If not now...and if not later....
than when?

Here was time,
Bendable, mendable
And yet I unreachable
Limbo beforth me,
Limbo behindeth me,
Time spreading, distorting,
Waves of disorient cascading..


the smell of fresh salted water
and seagulls hanging mighty close
accompanied me as the Sun upon me
began to boast

it already knew
that time is the answer to every question
Acceptance and discovery...
that's what I felt like
as I was carried along the way
bobbing amidst the motions
......
a bouy upon the ebb'n'flo'




Where was I being taken to
Why me...why did I have to go there
How long does it take to get there
why can't I trust the journey

Finish The Thought........April 14, 2011

1.  The last gift I gave to myself was..........

2.  The one thing I always forget is.........

3.  What's the most inspiring book you ever read?

4.  Who has taught you more about life than anyone?

5.  What is the strongest desire in your life right now?

6.  How should people deal with people who don't understand them?

7.  What is the one rule in your life that you will not break for ANYONE..?

8.  If you could successfully market any item or service, what would it be and why?

9.  If you could domesticate any wild animal successfully, which species would it be?

10.  If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, or masseuse, which would you choose?

11.  For $45,000 , would you go for three months without washing, brushing your teeth, or using deodorant...and.....you could not explain your reasons to anyone until after the three months is up. ?

12.  You discover that your wonderful three-year-old child is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours.  What would you do?   Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the "mistake"? Why?

13.  When you go to bed at night, what are you the grateful for?

14.  If you could understand and speak to animals, which one would you love to have a conversation with?

15.  When you were growing up, were you wanting to be more good looking, smarter, or rich?

16.  What are 3 things that today has taught you that you can improve on tomorrow?

17.  Has someone of the same sex ever made a pass at you? How did you react?

18.  How old were you when you watched your first adult film?

19.  Which song irritates you the most? Which one inspires you the most?


20.  What kind of life do you want to live that you're not living now?

A Gospel Singer Slims Down and Comes Out

DeJuaii Pace, who's on the new Addicted to Food docuseries, told The Root how the show helped her embrace her life as a black, Christian, gay, 45-year-old virgin.

    * By: Aisha I. Jefferson | Posted: April 2, 2011 at 12:19 AM

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DeJuaii Pace (Facebook.com)






Coming out isn't the easiest process. So imagine how challenging it would be if you grew up in a Pentecostal Holiness church, were a preacher's kid and belonged to an award-winning gospel group with your siblings.

This was DeJuaii Pace's reality and factored into why she ignored her same-sex attraction for so long. In fact, the 45-year-old, who's also a virgin, never discussed her lesbianism with her family, including her eight sisters -- seven of whom, along with her, make up gospel's the Anointed Pace Sisters. That changed during a taping of the new OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network show Addicted to Food, which premieres Tuesday night.

Pace, a compulsive overeater, is one of eight eating disorder patients (both over- and under-eaters) at treatment facility Shades of Hope in Buffalo Gap, Texas. With the help of therapists, the patients try to find the root of their food addiction, heal it and become mentally and physically healthier.

Pace, who started gaining extra weight when she was 21, says that her big secret contributed to her overeating and that food was a substitute for intimacy. The gospel singer talks to The Root about her weight-loss journey, her virginity and homosexuality in the black church.

The Root: Before you taped Addicted to Food, had you ever shared with anyone that you were attracted to women?

Dejuaii Pace: When I joined my church about 15 years [ago], because I wanted to be up front with my pastor, I told her that the attraction was there but I was denying that I was attracted to that [gay] lifestyle. I acknowledged it to myself in 2006 when I really took a deep evaluation of my life.

I was not married, was not dating and had not dated. And I was like, why is it so? And I just took a deep look at myself and realized that I've not been attracted to men ever and had just been friendly with them. At the end of the evaluation, I told myself that I had to acknowledge it.

I didn't tell anyone [in my family] I was a lesbian until December 2009, when I felt sick and tired of my life and wasn't happy. And I told one of my friends. I said, "Listen, I need you to help me to come out, because If I'm going to be happy, I've got to face this thing." About 98 percent of my friends are in "the lifestyle," and they knew I was struggling with it.

TR: DeJuaii, just speaking frankly, if someone in our family is gay, we typically know it. None of your sisters talked about it with you?

DP: Even when they kept asking why I kept hanging around my friends who were in the lifestyle, I just kept denying it. I just made a lot of excuses. I'd say things like I love being around those types of people because they're so artistic, they're so open and they're the only ones who really love me and let me be me, and I'm very creative when I'm around them.

I was saying, just because I befriend these people doesn't mean I'm like that. I denied it and denied it. I was embarrassed about it, but I was just like, if I'm going to grow and get healed from the disease of being addicted to food and eating over this thing, I've got to face it and come out with it. I didn't want the disease anymore, so I had to get rid of the secret.

TR: You sound confident and sure of what you're doing. Are you at peace?

DP: I'm at peace because I made peace with God about it. And I told him, "Listen, You're the only who can deal with this thing; you're the only one who can direct me through it. But I'm going to be honest with you, God:

"Yes, I like it." I did three 40-day fasts to get rid of the "demon," or "the spirit," of the [gay] lifestyle, as we call it. And [fasting] kept things at bay, but the temptations were there when I wasn't deeply praying and fasting, and when I re-emerged, the temptations were still there.

And I kept saying, "God, if you're a God who delivers from all manner of [iniquity], then why is this thing still here?" Sometimes it's not strong for years, and then at moments it's strong. There's something that God is doing here that we in the church community need to take a closer look at. Don't just say, "You gotta get rid of it."

TR: For a lot of churches in the black community, homosexuality could be staring them in the face, whether it's the choir director or even the pastor, and people will pretend it's not there and speak against it. You seem very passionate about changing that type of behavior. Are you doing anything to help do that?

DP: I feel that is the beginning of what God is calling forth at this time. I do not have all of the answers. For me, I am taking it day by day.

I want my soul mate. However God brings that about is fine with me. I know that God loves me, and he has created me, and this thing is here. I feel that it is part of my destiny to find out what is really going on. Because I cannot say it's against God, and I cannot say God is for it. All I'm saying now is that we cannot tell people what we've been telling them. I have friends who've stopped going to church because of that.

TR: Speaking of soul mates, you have never had sex with a man or a woman, right?

DP: No, I have not. I am a real-deal, true virgin. Because my mother and my dad had brought us up [to believe] that the greatest gift that I could give to my husband, my soul mate, is to give to them myself that has not been tainted with anybody else or anything else. And I value that highly. And by the grace of God, [the Lord] has helped me and kept me.

TR: How has coming out affected your weight?

DP: It's been an eye-opener. It's been a deeper spiritual journey for me that's blown my mind. After the years I've been in church, here's another level of understanding, another level of clarity. I don't have all of the answers, but I'm even clearer about this thing: We really have to give people better answers than we've been giving them.

TR: You come from a family of heavier men and women, yet you attribute a lot of your weight gain to being in the closet. Why?

DP: I attribute my weight gain to not having a voice to speak out about things that were bothering me. And my number one thing was having that temptation to be with women. When I first went to Shades [of Hope], of course, they would not let us know how much we weighed.

After I came home in February [from Shades of Hope], I weighed 227. As of today, I weigh 215 pounds [down from 265 when I arrived at Shades of Hope in August]. My goal weight is 125 pounds. Even now I see my bone structure. I used to think I had big bones. No, now I really think I'm pretty small.

TR: You're the seventh of 10 children -- nine girls and one boy. How did your siblings react to your coming out?

DP: At the time, the ones that were in the room were like, "Yeah, we understand what you're saying; thank you for sharing it." Then they'd act OK, but I feel that they are OK with it because I am not [sexually] active. If someone happens to come along and that person knocks me off my feet, and it's a woman, then it would be a different story.

TR: You've known since you were in the fourth grade that you were attracted to women. How do you feel overall since you've come out?

DP: I feel like a ton, a weight, has been lifted. I don't have to hide it anymore; I don't have to be ashamed. There are times when I'm like, "Oh God, I'm literally coming out with this thing; I'm being open about it. What are people going to say?"

And then I have to encourage myself again. I say, "You know what? It's up to God to take this thing and get us right." Nobody has the answers. Nobody can condemn me about it. There's only one God. I love God dearly and totally trust that he knows what he's doing, because in such a time as this, I am alive.

TR: How are you doing with the regimen?

DP: I am still eating the Shades way. That will be forever; that will never change. Every now and then, I may go out and treat myself -- maybe one meal -- but not eat that way for an entire day.

Now, [the Shades staff] may not agree with my exercise, because they thought I was an exercise addict.

TR: Your older brother, Murphy, died in February from complications related to being overweight. Has your weight loss inspired your sisters?

DP: I'm living with my two youngest sisters, and they are so excited about this. I cook for them, every meal. I even go grocery shopping. Actually, the first day I got home, my baby sister, when I prepared the meal, she was sitting at the table, and she started crying.

She was soulfully sulking, and I asked her what was wrong. And she said, "I just thank God for this. I've been wanting an answer and just to see you and you cooking the meals. You've lived this thing. It's not something that I have to wonder if it has to work. I can see that it works." And she's been doing the meal plan ever since. I really want to get the rest of my family on it.

Aisha I. Jefferson is a frequent contributor to The Root. You can follow her on Twitter or visit her at aishaiman.com.

Like The Root on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter.

The Party's Over...........Roggy's Moving Image Challenge #6

Standing in the mirror
Checking out my frame
one last time,
giving me that 'all over' once again
Ready or not
here I come
Friday night out
with the girls
always fun
Stepping into the front seat
.... the passenger side
Ladies, good evening all
Everyone buckle up...
let's ride
First stop...the little diner
that stays open late

We like it because of the generous servings
they always put on our plates
One settles for salad and sandwich
the other for a hot ham
and extra cheese
I pointed at the cheeseburger
yeah, I'll take one of these
Trying to offset the drinks we'll consume
But we don't want to eat too much
or there won't be any room
We got this ritual
down to a tee

For all the drinking we do
I got to have some food in me
Food finished, finally
but, one of them has to smoke
I slide my heels back on
becuz these pumps
ain't no joke
Walking back to the car
heels clicking
glad it isn't that far
Now...we ready
for whatever the night may bring
Girls just wanna have fun
Laughing,
drinking,
and trying to sing

We've been known
for staying out for days
partying and indulging
Getting lost
in our wild worldly ways
By the end of the party
we always too tired to move
from the cutting up
disco dancing...prancing
with nothing to prove
We finally call it a night
and head out the door
before they turn off the light


But lo and behold
it's always one sucker
who wants to follow us home
He paid for round after round of drinks
thinking he was gonna score
He finally caught the hint
when all of a sudden




'cling-a-ling-ling'


the sound of glass splattered in the place
the music stopped
people looked..and murmured
and the look of rejection
 
came over his face


On the way home
we recapped the journey
highlighting what a good time
we always have
as long as we

pay our own way




 



jakuper (4/2/11)R

The Second Bite........FIAF #30

Trust, guys, you can choose how you want to go. 

Just resist the charms of a desperate psychotic woman to have a second date when you tried so hard to say you weren't interested anymore.  

Being swept up once, to her, is like eating a Lays potato chip
......
that second bite gets you every time.