DAILY OM....Healing The Hurt

 

 

Using Your Pain To Help Others

Pain is a fact of being and one that permeates all of our lives to some degree. Since the hurt we feel may be a part of the experiences that have touched us most deeply, we are often loathe to let it go. It is frequently easier to keep our pain at our sides, where it acts as a shield that shelters us from others and gives us an identity—that of victim—from which we can draw bitter strength. However, pain’s universality can also empower us to use our hurt to help others heal.

Since no pain is any greater or more profound than any other, what you feel can give you the ability to help bring about the recovery of individuals whose hurts are both similar to and vastly different from your own.

You can channel your pain into transformative and healing love that aids you in helping individuals on a one-to-one basis and spreading a tide of curative energy throughout the world.

The capacity to heal others evolves naturally within those who are ready to disassociate themselves from their identity as victims. In fact, the simple decision to put aside the pain we have carried is what grants us the strength to redeem that pain through service. There are many ways to use the hurt you feel to help others. Your pain gives you a unique insight into the minds of people who have experienced trauma and heartache.

You can draw from the wellspring of strength that allowed you to emerge on the other side of a painful experience and pass that strength to individuals still suffering from their wounds. You may be able to council individuals in need by showing them the coping methods that have helped you survive or simply by offering sympathy.

A kinship can develop that allows you to relate more closely with those you are trying to aid and comfort.

Helping others can be a restorative experience that makes your own heart grow stronger. In channeling your pain into compassionate service and watching others successfully recover, you may feel a sense of euphoria that leads to increased feelings of self-worth and optimism.

 Your courageous decision to reach out to others can be the best way to declare to yourself and the world that your pain didn’t defeat you, and in fact it helped you heal.

 

What do you think?

How hard is it to forgive, and forget the pain that has happened to you in your life?

DAILY OM....A Question Of Balance

One-Sided Relationships One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more. However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life. A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life.   What do you think?

DAILY OM......You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do

Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

     Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures.

As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that "wrong" decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our "poor" decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers.

However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices.

Your essence—what makes you a unique entity—exists independently of your decision-making process.

There are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self.

A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem.

You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a "bad decision" was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently. Try to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment.

Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully.

Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint.

Strive to understand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.

A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from.

You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human.

 

Now, what do you think about that....?

Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?

Sundays With Joyce

 

Faith in Times of Stress

 

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith
. . . . And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5: 7-10)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

HEAVEN #2362 A Rose in Bloom

God said:

Negativity contributes to fatigue. Although you may find other reasons, physical reasons, the underlying cause of continued fatigue is negativity. Resistance comes from negativity. Frictionless flow is not tiring. When love flows abundantly, what can make your body weary?

When you chop wood all day, your body needs to rest. Such need for rest is healthy and temporary. A good night's rest takes care of it.

When it comes to day in and day out fatigue, its basis is in negativity, Instead of your weeping, your body carries the weight of tiredness. Day-in and day-out tiredness is like poor digestion. Perhaps your digestion of life has become sluggish.

It may be that your tired body cries out for relief from unhappiness. You drag yourself simply because you are not jumping for joy.

Beloveds, no longer say that you are tired. No longer say you are not happy. No longer carry fatigue over into your life. Note joy instead, and carry that. Note that which is enlivening, and carry that. It is light. Enhance your reaction to life. Sing a new song.

Note how spring appears. After a long winter covered in snow, everything awakens. Trees and flowers, singing birds are restored, and there is a new note sung in the universe. The doldrums are over. Spring has come, and spring has cast light and liveliness upon the ground.

And so now, let energy rise up within you. Know it is not only possible. Know also that you can do it. Burst through the snow and the frozen ground, and proclaim yourself a harbinger of spring. No longer are there drafts of negativity that will enter. You will pay no mind to the news of the world. You will pay no mind to your own negative thoughts of the past, for you are spring, and spring buds with new life. A rose bud knows no fatigue. A rose plant in bloom knows no fatigue. It is rooted in the present and in My love. And when the blooms fade, the rose bush remains hale and hearty. Fatigue cannot withstand the sunlight in your heart.

When you need a lift, give yourself a lift.

You are not to sleep away your life. Be awake to the treasures before you.

Flowers bloom for you to pick, and so life is there for you to choose. You are not to hide from life. You are to embrace it. You are in the relative world now to enjoy. Do not shirk from life. Do not be dismayed by it. Enjoy instead. Every day, take life by the hand, and bring it closer to you.

You who are on Earth are born to live life on Earth. The Earth wanted you, and you came. You graciously accepted life on Earth, and, so now, make it your own. Make your own life. Make a life that is light-footed and energetic to the brim. Be light-hearted, and see your fatigue go. You will jump ahead of it. There is no need to be heavy-footed.

Make this day light and sparkling. Get done all that you have said you would get done. Get it done, and be done with all that has been hanging over you. Remove the clouds. Let the sun come through. Waken to life, beloveds. Fatigue is not to stand between you and life. See how much better you feel when you get out onto the dance floor of life.

Do not think for one minute that you belong on the sidelines. Do not think for one minute that fatigue is your due. Do not think for one minute that you have to have it. Leave it behind, beloveds. Fatigue does not belong to you.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.
Voltaire

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
Blaise Pascal

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.

B. C. Forbes

DAILY OM....Spreading Love Effortlessly

 

 

Kindness

In the quest to create a gentler, more loving world, kindness is the easiest tool we can use. Though it is easy to overlook opportunities to be kind, our lives are replete with situations in which we can be helpful, considerate, thoughtful, and friendly to loved ones and associates, as well as strangers.

The touching, selfless acts of kindness that have the most profoundly uplifting effects are often the simplest: a word of praise, a gentle touch, a helping hand, a gesture of courtesy, or a smile.

Such small kindnesses represent an unconditional, unrestricted form of love that we are free to give or withhold at will. When you give the gift of kindness, whether in the form of assistance, concern, or friendliness, your actions create a beacon of happiness and hope that warms people’s hearts.

The components of kindness are compassion, respect, and generosity. Put simply, kindness is the conscious act of engaging others in a positive way without asking whether those individuals deserve to be treated kindly.

All living beings thrive on kindness. A single, sincere compliment can turn a person’s entire world around. Holding a door or thanking someone who has held a door for you can inspire others to practice politeness and make already kind individuals feel good about their efforts.

Smiling at people you meet—even those who make you feel like frowning—can turn a dreary encounter into a delightful one, for both of you. Every kind act has a positive influence on the individual who has performed said act as well as on the recipient, regardless of whether the act is acknowledged.

Kindness brings about more kindness and slowly but surely takes a positive toll on humanity.

Weaving the thread of kindness into your everyday life can be as easy as choosing to offer a hearty “Good morning” and “Good night” to your coworkers or neighbors, a stranger on the street, or the grocery store clerk.

When you commit a kind act, you are momentarily disconnected from your ego and bonded with the individual who has benefited from your kindness.

Being fully present in each moment of your life facilitates kindness as it increases your awareness of the people around you. You’ll discover that each act of kindness you engage in makes the world, in some small way, a better place.

 

 

What are some ways we can spread kindness to each other...?

DAILY OM...Appreciating What Is

Enjoying Your Age

In each stage of life, there are wonderful experiences one can savor and valuable insights one can absorb. Every new decade and, in fact, every new year brings with it wisdom, transformation, and growth, as well as ends and beginnings.

Many people, however, believe that there is one age that eclipses the others. They expend energy trying to reach it and, once it has passed, trying to retain it. But wishing to be younger or older is a denial of the joys that have been and the joys yet to be, as well as the beauty of your life in the present.

Holding on to one age can make it difficult to appreciate each new milestone you reach.

Taking pleasure in the delights of your age, whether you are in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or 80s, can help you see the magnificence and usefulness of the complex seasons of your life.

Each new year gifted to us by the universe is replete with exciting and unfamiliar experiences. In our 20s, we can embrace the energy of youth and the learning process, knowing it’s okay to not have all the answers.

As we move through our third decade, we grow more self-assured as the confusion of our young adulthood melts away. We can honor these years by putting aside our fears of aging and concentrating instead on solidifying our values and enjoying our growing emotional maturity.

In our 40s, we become conscious of the wisdom we have attained through life experience and are blessed with the ability to put it to good use. We are not afraid to explore unfamiliar territory or to change.

In our 50s, we tend to have successfully navigated our midlife reevaluations and have prioritized our lives. In the decades beyond, we discover a greater sense of freedom than we have ever known and can truly enjoy the memory of all we’ve seen and done.

Try to enjoy the age you are at now, for each age presents its own unique wisdom to savor.

 

What do you think about growing older?

Sundays With Joyce

 

 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2 KJV

For we are saved by hope….Romans 8:24 KJV

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.  Psalm 31:24 KJV

Those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.  Psalm 37:9 NIV

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Hebrews 11:1 KJV

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.  Psalm 71:14 NIV

 

 

Hope is a strange invention -- by Emily Dickinson

Hope is a strange invention --
A Patent of the Heart --
In unremitting action
Yet never wearing out --

Of this electric Adjunct
Not anything is known
But its unique momentum
Embellish all we own --

 

 

In the dark dreary nights, when the storm is at its most fierce, the lighthouse burns bright so the sailors can find their way home again. In life the same light burns. This light is fueled with love, faith, and hope. And through lifes most fierce storms these three burn their brightest so we also can find our way home again.
-- Unknown.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.
-- Lin Yutang.

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure.
-- Abraham Cowley.

The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.
-- Barbara Kingsolver.

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out.
-- Vaclav Havel.

 

Although Hope is a vital component of the Christian life, it is never enough to put it in people. It is firmly based on what Christ accomplished on the cross. The Christians' hope has to do with the here and now, for the kingdom that has come is, in principle, already present in the believer. Yet, full realization of the blessed hope is future. We know that the world is still affected by the results of Satan's rebellion, but the outcome is secure: Our Lord reigns, and His eternal kingdom will soon be realized in all its glory. Our hope is to be citizens of that Kingdom, forever.

Make sure your hope is on things eternal...

DAILY OM....Creating What We DOn't Want

 

When Worry Becomes A Prayer

If prayer is an intention that we announce to the universe in order to create a desired outcome, then our every thought is a prayer. This includes thoughts of worry as well as of hope. All thoughts are subtle creative energy. Some thoughts are more focused or repeated more often, gathering strength. Some are written down or spoken, giving them even greater power. Every thought we have is part of a process whereby we cocreate our experience and our reality with the universe. When we use our creative energy unconsciously, we create what is commonly known as self-fulfilling prophecy. In essence, when we worry, we are repeatedly praying and lending our energy to the creation of something we don’t want.

The good news is that we can retrain our minds and thoughts to focus our energy on what we do desire to bring into our lives. Since most worry is repetitive, it will take more than one positive thought to counteract the energy we’ve created. The simplest antidote to worry is affirmations. When we hold these positive thoughts, repeat them often, speak them and write them and refer to them throughout our day, we are using focused energy to create positive results.

We can start right away, together: I am a creative being, using my energy to cocreate a wonderful world. I know that I create my experience of life from within, and as I do so, I also create ripples of energy around me that echo into the world. My positive thoughts gather together with the thoughts and prayers of others, and together we create enough positive energy to heal not only our own lives but the world we share. I am grateful for the ability to cocreate good in my life and in the world.

A lot of times we have concerned loved ones that worry about us. When this happens they are also sending out a worry prayer to the world. A loving conversation letting them know what is happening is the easiest solution. Also, ask them to send you positive affirmations rather than worry about you. After all, worry doesn’t do them any good either. Explain to them that worry can actually be energetically harmful to you and that wishing good things for you is much more beneficial and much more fun too.

 

What do you think?

DAILY OM.....A Virtuous Cycle

 

The Ripple Effect

In a world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse.

Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward.

The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.

Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy.

One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone’s life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin.

You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness.

Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.

A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world.

You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward.

One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of love and kindness.

 

what do you think?

SUNDAYS WITH JOYCE

 

The Resurrection

John 11:25-26

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

Romans 1:4-5

And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name.

Romans 6:8-11

Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:10-12

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

1 Peter 1:3

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...

Matthew 27:50-53

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

Matthew 28:1-10

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

Mark 16:1-8

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"

But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.

"Don't be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.' "

Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

 

 

The Resurrection morning came, three days after Jesus died, with our sins in tow, with Him being raised incorruptible, so we can raise from sin, also.  So then, there is no temptation that cometh unto man, that God doesn't make a way to escape.

Galatians 5:18....But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law. 19. Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, 20. idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, 21. envy, murder, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before: those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22...... By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, 23. gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. 24. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. 26. Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.

 

 

Let the resurrection joy lift us from loneliness and weakness and despair to strength and beauty and happiness.
Floyd W. Tomkins

 

On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.
Douglas Horton

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.
Robert Flatt

This is the promise that He hath promised us, even eternal life.
Bible: 1 John, 2. 25

This is the promise that He hath promised us, even eternal life.
Bible: 1 John, 2. 25

Aquarius DAILY OM....

The Authentic You

Your innate creativity can serve you well today as you look around you for a means of manifesting the images of fulfillment you see in your mind's eye.

Even if the majority of the people in your environment are addressing their affairs in one way, you may feel intensely driven to explore alternative options. Such expressions of individuality can help you realize your creative vision if you allow yourself to be as inventive as possible.

The methods you devise today while looking for compelling and enjoyable ways to fulfill your objectives will likely not all work as intended, but even your missteps can help you grow as a unique being.

Our individuality is a gift given to us at birth, and we can honor that gift by making sure that we always stay true to the vision and values that have helped us become what we are in the present.

There are so many forces in the modern world conspiring to rob us of our uniqueness that we should endeavor to remain always on guard. If we feel that we are making decisions based on outside influences, examining the motives underlying our preferences can help us regain our distinctive perspective on life. Creativity stems in part from the unusual and quirky aspects of our personalities as these elements of the self are what differentiate us from our many brothers and sisters in humanity.

Your imagination will serve you well today when you express your individuality in everything you do in your personal and professional spheres.

Ridding Your Life of Toxic People

 

 

 

* Got this in an email a while ago, and found it very interesting, to say the least

 

 

How To Say NO To Toxic People In Your Life

By Bo Sanchez

 

As a teen, I was part of a tiny Catholic youth group.

In that group, I was called “St. Francis” because I loved Lady Poverty, wore the crummiest shirts, the most horrid brown sandals, and prayed in the chapel the whole day. (Actually, I slept most of the time, but that’s just a secret between you and me.) 

One of my friends was called “Brother Leo” because he imitated me, the way the real Brother Leo imitated his master, St. Francis.

If I prayed in a particular way—with my eyes closed, my hands clasped, my head bent down and tilted to the left—he’d pray in the same way.

If I wore an ugly shirt because of my love for poverty, he’d wear the same thing.

Because I was good-looking, he’d try to be good-looking. (Haha.)

One day, his family left for the US for good, and we lost touch…

Six years later, he returned for a visit. The old youth group was excited to have a little reunion. So we met up with “Brother Leo” again.

When I saw him at the reunion, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Nor could anyone in the room. Brother Leo was wearing a loud purple shirt with a gold band around his neck. And in thick slang, he greeted us, “Hey Dude!”

That wasn’t so bad.

While all of us were picking up our jaws from the floor, he said, “Let’s go out and look for a real parteeeh. Let’s look for some chicks! Man, I love girls!”

The transformation was unbelievable.

Where was the prayerful, quiet, humble, pure guy that we knew?

Here’s what I learned from life: We need to deliberately shape our outer world before it shapes us.

What Are The Two Most Powerful Forces

That Shape Your Life?

It was Charlie “Tremendous” Jones who said that You will be in five years the sum total of the books you read and the people you are around.

I believe the two most powerful forces that shape our life are our relationships and our media. I repeat: If you know that your outer world shapes you, make a decision now to shape your outer world. Because you can!

Here’s a story of someone who didn’t use this power…

The Story Of A Wise King

That Wasn’t So Wise After All

            The Guinness Book of World Records says that no one beats King Solomon when it comes to wives. The guy had 700 wives with 300 concubines.

          Believe me, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes on Valentines Day. The chaos! While walking around his palace, he’d say to one, “I love you Leah,”; And to another, “I love you Rachael,”; And to another still, “I love you… uh, Melissa or Melanie?”

          Here’s what the Bible says: King Solomon loved many foreign women… They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. (How many of you know that just because you’re romantically in love with someone DOESN’T mean that you’re supposed to be with that person?) As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…[1]

          The wisest man on Earth didn’t choose his relationships well.

          If you don’t want to commit his mistake, let me share with you 3 powerful steps to create your outer world.

The 3 Powerful Steps To Re-Create

Your Outer World

I guarantee you. If you do these 3 steps, you’ll not only be free from enslaving habits, you’ll actually grow yourself and fulfil your greatest dreams.

Step #1: Say No to Toxic People

Step #2: Say Yes to Terrific People

Step #3: Control Your Media

Let me explain these steps one by one…

To All Those Who Want To Experience God’s Power In Their Lives…

Step #1:

Say No to Toxic People

           

            There are many types of Toxic Persons, but let me focus on 6 types that you should avoid:

          Toxic Person #1: Those who encourage your addiction

          Toxic Person #2: Those who constantly hurt you

          Toxic Person #3: Those who control you through force

          Toxic Person #4: Those who control you through manipulation

          Toxic Person #5: Those who pass their responsibilities to you

          Toxic Person #6: Those who whine about life and invalidate you

Do you have Toxic People in your life? God says, Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.[2]

          Let’s heed those wise words!

          Let’s find out if you have Toxic People in your life…

Toxic Person #1:

Those Who Encourage Your Addiction

You know this story very well because it happens too often.

My friend “Jim” was a drug addict. He entered a rehab for a year. In that entire year, Jim didn’t touch the drug. He went back home a new man. 

Not a few days after, an old friend who used to take drugs with Jim visited him at home and offered him shabu. Jim said no, “I don’t take that anymore.” But as the days progressed, he kept on meeting his old friends.   After only three months, Jim snorted shabu again—and his addiction was more severe than before. 

Question: What caused his downfall? 

Answer: He shaped his inner world, but he didn’t shape his outer world. 

He needed a new set of friends. He needed a new itinerary. He also needed new hobbies, new music, new activities…

It’s pretty obvious. If you’re an alcoholic, stop hanging out with friends who drink. Hang out with new friends who don’t. If you’re a gambler, cut friendships with other gamblers. Hang out with people who don’t gamble. And so on.

          Many people don’t use their power to choose their friends. They just accept the people who call up, visit, and appear on their doorstep.

Big mistake. Don’t do that. Jesus says If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.[3]

Go out and choose the kind of people you like to become. (More on this later.)

Toxic Person #2:

Those Who Constantly Hurt You

Do you avoid danger?

If you see a rabid Doberman, foaming in the mouth, sharp fangs exposed, racing towards you at top speed, would you run away as fast as Flash? Or would you stand there with a smile, stretch out your hand and say, “Here kitty, kitty…”

I bet you’d run faster than you ever did in your entire life. 

Unless you have a death wish.

The Wise Book says a prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple (foolish) keep going and suffer for it.[4]

Here’s a sad fact. After my years of counselling hordes of people, I’ve realized many have a death wish when it comes to choosing their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, business partners, spiritual leaders, organizations, and friends.

Because they choose abusers.

They get physically abused. Verbally abused. Emotionally abused. Spiritually abused.

And after an abusive relationship breaks up, they jump into another abusive relationship. Insane, I tell you. But after 27 years in ministry, it’s more common than you think.

I have only one explanation for this crazy phenomenon: Victims like being victims. Why? Perhaps because they want to pay for their sins. Or perhaps they feel they deserve the punishment. Or perhaps they feel superior to the abuser. Or perhaps that’s how they get the empathy from other people.

But this is sick.

Let me shout this to the rooftops: Get rid of all abusers in you life!

Don’t Just Stand There—Do Something!

If your spouse is an abuser, get away as far as possible from him or her. I’m not saying get a divorce right away. But don’t live in the same house with an abuser until the person gets help and gets healed.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is an abuser, what are you doing still sticking with that person? You should have left the first time abuse took place.

If your organization, fraternity, club, prayer group, or church demeans you, manipulates you, drains you, abuses you—why are you still there? Look for a group that blesses you and nourishes you.

If your business partner steals from you, cheats on you, or disrespects you—get out, sell out, and find another business partner. 

Remember: When you’re with an abuser, you create more inner pain, and inner pain can produce more hidden addictions.

Jesus says, Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.[5] You are sacred. You are the pearls. So don’t throw yourself to dogs and pigs.

          Some people however may not be obviously abusers, but they abuse you in a less obvious way…

Toxic Person #3:

Those Who Control You Through Force

There are people who control you through subtle aggression. They intimidate you. They’re bigger. They’re louder. They’re scary. They’re bullies in nice clothes.

The Controller could be your husband. Or your grandmother. Or your friend.   Or your boss.

          Let me tell you a story I read recently…

One day, a young guy was walking on a dark street. Suddenly, out of an Acacia tree, an old man wrapped in a black robe appeared. His eyes were fierce, his face pale, his beard unkempt. He pushed a black book towards the young man and ordered, “You need to read this book! Buy it for P700.”

          The young man was shocked and mumbled, “I don’t have P700…”

          But the elderly man spoke with a louder voice, “You need to read this book! Give me P700.” So with shaking hands, the lad fumbled with his wallet and handed P700 to him. The mysterious man placed the black book in the chap’s hand and said, “Whatever you do, never look at the last page. Or you will regret it.” He then walked towards the field behind them and suddenly disappeared!

          The young man went home, shaken to the core. In the evening, he started reading the book. It was all about ghosts and werewolves and vampires! After awhile, he grew tired, closed the book and went to bed. 

But he couldn’t sleep. Tossing and turning, the young man could only think of one thing: What was on the last page of the book? What will I regret seeing there?

Finally, he couldn’t take the suspense any longer. With every ounce of courage he could muster, he grabbed the black book. With trembling fingers, he opened it to the last page…

And when he saw it, at once, waves of regret filled him!

The last page was empty.

Except for a small note that said, “P49.50, National Bookstore.”

Friend, never get intimidated to do what you don’t want to do.

Because often, you’ll get robbed.

Toxic Person #4:

Those Who Control You Through Manipulation

            There is another kind of Controller that doesn’t do it through aggression but through manipulation. In an even more subtle way, they will control you. 

My example is Delilah, the girlfriend of Samson.

The Bible says Samson loved Delilah. But it doesn’t say that Delilah loved Samson. Instead, Delilah used Samson. Delilah needed Samson. (When will we realize that need is different from love?) As you read the story, you realize that Delilah never loved Samson at all.

Remember, “Controllers” are “Users”, and Delilah was a Controller. (Do you know of any “Users” in your life?)

One day, Delilah was approached by her Philistine leaders. They wanted to capture Samson but couldn’t because of his magical strength. So they offered her 1,100 Shekels from each of them if she could discover the secret of his supernatural strength.

So she went to Samson and asked, “How can anyone capture you?”

First, he lied. Samson said, “If you tie me with brand new ropes, I’ll be as weak as any man.” And while he slept, Delilah tied him up with brand new ropes and called the soldiers of the Philistine leaders to capture him.  But like snapping thread, Samson broke free from the ropes and chased after the men. 

Wasn’t that enough proof for Delilah’s deception?

If I were Samson, I would simply have said to her, “Delilah, you’re a snake. You don’t love me. This relationship is over. Get out of my life!”

But Samson didn’t do it. He tolerated her. And so Delilah sat on the lap of Samson and with a pout and a hurt look, she said, “You don’t love me, Samson…” (Her finger probably toying with his hair.)

“But I do!” Samson said defensively.

“No, you don’t,” she purred, “You lied to me. You haven’t told me the secret of your strength.” (Controllers like turning the table and pointing your mistakes, while hiding their glaring mistakes.)

Finally, out of exasperation, Samson says, “Okay, okay! Cut my hair and I’ll be as weak as any man.”[6] And while he slept, Delilah cut his hair. We know the end of the story. Samson was captured, his eyes gouged out, and he was imprisoned until he died while pushing two pillars.

Because Samson loved Delilah, he was desperate to believe in the lie that she also loved him. But she didn’t.

Who are the Delilahs in your life?

Here’s the truth: Samson may have been romantically attracted to Delilah, but he really didn’t love her. If he really loved her, he would have told her off and shooed her away. That was the kind of love she needed.

Toxic Person #5:

Those Who Pass Their Responsibilities To You

One day, a woman was chatting with her neighbor. 

“I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five hundred Peso bill to a bum.” 

“Wow, you gave a bum five hundred Pesos?” her neighbor asked, “My gosh, that’s a lot of money. What did your husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do,” she said, “my husband said, ‘Thanks.’”

Many people are just like that woman. They have bums in their lives, and these bums are friends and family.

In other words, they are hosts to parasites.

Remember: In biology, parasites can’t exist without a host. So the reason there are parasites is because there are people who like to play the role of host.

Are you a host to a human parasite? Someone who depends on you for money? Or for housing? Or for your service?

The human parasite isn’t a quadriplegic lying down in bed with a feeding tube stuck to his throat. The parasite is an otherwise healthy human being that simply wants you to be responsible for his life, period. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own life. He looks to you for his sole salvation. If you don’t help him, he’ll die.

Deep inside, you feel used. You really want to say “No more!” but you can’t because you feel guilty.   In the process, you have lost your boundaries. When you do, there is so much inner pain within, and you escape through your hidden addictions.

Bad news: You think you’re doing good, but you really aren’t.

There’s A Difference Between

Feeling Good And Doing Good

Giving to a parasite makes you feel good. 

But that doesn’t make it good. (Yep, there’s a difference.) 

It assuages your guilt. But in fact, you’re causing more harm than good. You’re really a thief. You’re stealing their self-worth. More than that, when you take away the bad consequences of their irresponsibility through your constant rescuing, you take away the fuel that would have forced them to change.

Some justify helping a parasite by quoting Galatians 6:2 when St. Paul says, “Carry each other burdens…”  But 3 verses later, St. Paul also says, “Each one should carry his own load.” That means if a parasite asks for your help, the best way to help him is to say ‘No’.

          I give a lot. Dole outs are fine when there’s a real emergency. But I stop giving when his daily life becomes an emergency. Because most of my giving is focused on teaching people how to fish, not just giving fish. I give when I know the person will learn how to stand on his own two feet one day.

          Finally, there’s a last type of Toxic Person you need to avoid…

Toxic Person #6:

Those Who Whine About Life and Invalidate You

            There are people who are constantly negative—and they suck your energy dry. Believe me, after talking with them, you feel as though the sky is darker, the world is uglier, and life is more miserable than ever.

          Whiners complain about everything. The heat. The cold. The boss. The money. The government. On and on and on. It never stops.

          Whiners are bad, but invalidators are worse. Invalidators are whiners too, but instead of just criticizing the world, they specialize in criticizing you. When you mention a plan, a dream, or an original idea, you’ll hear an invalidator say, “You? Do that?” He’ll roll up his eyes, shake his head, and smirk. These pompous know-it-alls believe they know you and your future more than God. Before an invalidator, you’ll always remain small. Size up the invalidator’s “friends”, and you’ll discover other “small” people who bow down to his majesty.

          Whiners will steal away your joy. Invalidators will steal away your dreams. If you don’t watch out, they’ll infect you with their virus and you’ll become a professional cynic like them. 

          Whiners and invalidators are losers. If your friends are losers, get a new set of friends. I’m not saying that you dump them. God wants you to love them. But you don’t have to hangout with them. Instead, hangout with people who respect you. And people who inspire you.   And people who put their energies to build up rather than destroy. And people of life and beauty and love. 

By The Way, Are You The Toxic Person?

            Avoiding toxic people is difficult.

Avoiding being the toxic person is even more difficult.

What if you’re the abuser, or controller, or manipulator, or parasite, or whiner, or invalidator?

          Ask people close by for their honest feedback. 

If they say, “Yes,” own up to your behavior, quick. And get to work!

          (What you’ll do is beyond the scope of this article, but I hope to discuss that another time.)

Step #2:

Say Yes to Terrific People

What is shaping you now?

The Good Book says, Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.[7] If you’re with terrific people, then these terrific people are sharpening you….

Terrific Person #1: Those Who Nourish You Emotionally

Terrific Person #2: Those Who Nourish You Spiritually

Terrific Person #3: Those Who Nourish You Intellectually

Terrific Person #4: Spend Time With God, Who Else?

Terrific Person #1:

Those Who Nourish You Emotionally

          There are really only two types of great people in this world.

        The first type of great person: After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great that person is. You are dwarfed by his greatness.

          Here’s the second type of great person: After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great you are. You walk out a giant yourself—as big or even bigger than that great person.

          Hang out with the second type of great person.

Hang out with people who make you feel important, respected, and worthy.

          One of my mentors has a powerful way of making me feel important.

He’s a true blue, genuine Billionaire. But he treats me like I was more important than he is. It’s the small things that he does that make me leave his presence believing I’m special. The way he listens to me. The way he respects my opinion. The way he doesn’t laugh at my silly questions. Even common sense courtesy and respect. For example, after our meeting in his office, he’ll walk with me to my car. He won’t leave me until he knows I’m in my car and ready to go. Small things that tell me I’m a great man.

          Look for people like that.

Terrific Person #2:

Those Who Nourish You Spiritually

           

You’re a soul with a temporary earthly existence.

Thus, your most important need is to be spiritually nourished.

That’s why I preach at the FEAST every Sunday. (Join us at Ballroom at Valle Verde Country Club, beside ULTRA, every 7:30am or 10:00am , whichever you prefer.) I believe that many people are spiritually malnourished and they need God’s Word in their lives.

But more than knowledge, a spiritual leader should feed you with God’s love.

How? By his own love for you.

He doesn’t teach you because of pride. He teaches you because of love.

That’s where I want to grow—and boy do I have a long way to go.

          When a spiritual leader believes he’s better, holier, and more righteous than anyone else in church, be wary. A good spiritual leader knows his faults and acknowledges them before everyone.

          Look for your source of regularly spiritual nourishment.

Terrific Person #3:

Those Who Nourish You Intellectually

            Do you have dreams?

          Who are the people in the world that have already fulfilled your dream?

          Hang out with them—and pick their brains.

          Listen to their talks. Read their books. Attend their seminars.

          There are two kinds of teachers. The first kind of teacher has a lot of book knowledge and nothing else. The second type of teacher has experiential knowledge, with mud on her shoes, blisters on her hands, and scars in her heart. She’s someone who teaches from her battlefield experience. Look for the second type of teacher.

          For example, if I want to grow my organization, Light of Jesus, to the next level, I had to search for the second type of teacher: Those who actually built huge organizations. 

So one day, I visited Bro. Mike Velarde of El Shaddai to learn from him. Bro. Mike and I may have different styles and beliefs (and different fashion tastes too), but as an organizer, no one can match his ability to gather one million people in Luneta. Bro. Mike has been so kind and gracious to me, sharing his vast experience. You may not like his red barong, but if you can build an organization as big as El Shaddai (probably 8 million members),I guess you can wear any kind of barong you want.

          And would you believe? I’m also learning church-building strategies from Pastor Apollo Quiboloy, now heading 3-million members in only 22 short years.   I don’t agree with his theology. When we’re together, my Bishop friends and I debate with him about his doctrines. (We regularly meet because we’re all members of the Presidential Council for Values Formation under Malacanang, working for the country.) But that doesn’t stop me from admiring Pastor Apollo’s excellent leadership skills. So when we meet, aside from theological debate, I sit down with him and learn his church-building strategies.   Pastor Apollo has been very gracious to me too, and I’ve learned a lot in the area of church growth.

          I also have financial mentors who are millionaires and billionaires.

          I have family mentors who have great marriages and are fantastic parents.

          I have spiritual mentors who live with profound love and holiness and inspire me to do the same.

          Go and get terrific people in your life.

 

Don’t Get Derailed When Your

Old Friends Become Jealous

            I’ve expanded my inner circle of friends.

          Sometimes, my old inner circle becomes jealous. They say in Taglish, “Bo, others ka na.” They say that I have replaced them.

          No, I have not. I’ve not replaced my inner circle, I’ve just expanded it.

          My inner circle now includes leaders, preachers, businessmen, real estate investors, bishops, computer gurus, marketing experts, educators, authors, etc.

          In fact, if you want to keep on growing, you’ve got to keep growing your inner circle of friends. There’s no other way.

          One last thing: Check the net-worth of the people you hangout with. Most likely, you’ll mirror each other’s average income. If you want an increase in your income, hangout with people who earn, save, invest, and give more than you do. Learn from them!  

Terrific Person #4:

Spend Time With God, Who Else?

            Need I say more? 

Jesus was committed to daily prayer: And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he (Jesus) went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.[8]

          But here’s the problem: Many people don’t worship God, but a caricature of God. 

          If you really examine their God, He’s cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical. 

          We need to change our image of God, because we become exactly like the God we worship. In the end, we too will become cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical. (Have you ever wondered why many religious people are poor reflections of the love of God? This is the reason.)

          We’ll discuss more of this in another article very soon.

Step #3:

Control Your Media

            Remember the two powerful forces that shape your life.

          First are relationships.

          Second is media.

Like relationships, say “No” to toxic media and say “Yes” to terrific media.

When it comes to media, remember one very important thing: You have very limited time. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, has exactly the same amount of hours a beggar has. When it comes to time, we’re all equal.

So if you watch dumb, useless, mindless, inane TV shows like those broadcasted today, you’re throwing away precious time—and money. Time that you should have used for more inspiring media.

People wonder why there’s no growth in their life.

One probable answer: Because they waste so much time in front of the TV set. Noonday shows. Showbiz gossip. Telenovelas.

I urge you to read inspiring books instead. Or watch great movies. Or listen to terrific talks. If you want to grow, control your media.

Conclusion:

Are You The Good Samaritan?

            I know.

          The most controversial part in this article is saying “No” to Toxic People.

          But let me insist that one of the reasons why we have hidden addictions is because we’re escaping from the inner pain of having no personal boundaries. We keep on saying yes to toxic people, we’re actually losing control of our lives. This lost of control is maddening and subconsciously drives us to where we seemingly feel have control—our hidden addiction. When we drink, or smoke, or lust, or shop constantly, or eat compulsively, or become religiously addicted, we feel some semblance of control. (Obviously, it’s fake. We really have no control over this area as well.)

          Friend, you need to set boundaries. Or the world will conquer you.

          If you grew up listening to sermons about the Good Samaritan[9] in Church , you were trained to help people and feel guilty when you don’t.

          Remember the story? A guy was robbed and left dying on the road. A Priest and a Teacher of the Law passed by and didn’t bother to stop. The Samaritan however stopped, bandaged his wounds, took him in an inn, and paid for all his expenses.

          Wow, what a loving man.

          But we usually take for granted a very important part of that story: After helping the wounded man, the Good Samaritan actually left him with the inn keeper because he had to take care of his own business! He didn’t forget his own life! How could he keep on helping if he doesn’t keep earning from his business?

Here’s another lesson: The Good Samaritan also asked help from others–the innkeeper.  Because you don’t help alone. You’re not superman.

          Friend, be the Good Samaritan. 

Because the Good Samaritan didn’t love others only.

          He also loved himself.

          My friend, if you want to create a new inner world, you need to create a new outer world. Jesus said, And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; if he does, the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost, and so are the skins; but new wine is for fresh skins.

           

          God is giving you new wine for your life.

Make new wineskins!

 

 

QUESTIONS TO PONDER:

What is the strangest place you've found love at?

If someone says they love you, and leaves you, does it mean they don't love you?

Do you think love is sent to you, or you come across it?

How do you know when love is come in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime?

How do you define SUCCESS?

What is your most admirable and honorable quality?

Why is it we want perfect people in our lives, and we're not perfect?

How many definitons of friendship do you have?

When you tell someone you love them, what kind of love are you mostly speaking of?

When someone tell you they love you, what is your first thought, and do you think of it as romantic or agape love?

How many friends can you say you have, that are borne in adversity,

and how many people are friends just because you know them?

Why do we let people into our lives, call them friends, and they've not been tested?

 

Does our disposition determine who is attracted to us?

How important is reading, or learnign new things to you, and why?

How many of you know that just because you’re romantically in love with someone DOESN’T mean that you’re supposed to be with that person?