A S_P Exercise....Mercy, Lord...

" aggressive, responsive, creative, malicious, plummet, showcase, idolize, embrace, project, submit "

 

When I saw these words, the first thought that came to my mind was MERCY. Not knowing how I would tie them all into a complete thought, I came here, to SP for an idea. Kinda like cheating, looking for an idea to jumpstart my creative effort for today.....

'WE LEAVE OUR HEARTS UNPROTECTED
LIKE CLOCKWORK
WE SUBMIT OUR PAINS
TO A GOD THAT HAS WARNED US
REPEATEDLY
DO NOT TRUST IN MAN
TRUST IN ME'

In showcasing a portion of Libby's phrase in her post, I let the ramifications sink into my id that we seem to idolize men too much, indeed. We submit the best parts of us to people who do not have our best interests at heart. Our best creative efforts sometimes go for naught when we try to project an idea onto others that does not embrace the biblical teachings of love, and friendship we are supposed to have with all our brothers and sisters, in, and out of season.
I sometimes wonder what would happen if God aggressively reprimended us for direct insubordination, expecially when we do things against what He has warned us about, and we do it repeatedly. I am just so glad that we have a sort of 'GET OUT OF JAIL FREE' CARD...in the form of MERCY. That is...unwarranted favor. A pardon, so to speak. Almost like He just turning His head, cause He already know 'we gonna mess up again' ...LOL. He already knows if it is malicious, or done out of confusion. I'm just gonna say confused, but we know some things we do...we do them because we want to. God knows our hearts. Believe that!
In the many times that my own faith has plummeted, I have found myself asking, and pleading for His grace. His mercy. I don't know....as long as I am in this world, I will be tempted, and I will always be working on me; working to better myself. Before my mercy runs out. And, it will run out.
Life can be over for anyone of us, at any moment. Even in the middle of our mess. It is better for me, to spend my life trying to do good things, make good "long range" decisions. Think twice about how I want my life to affect others, and take this responsive approach to everything that goes on around me, and in my environment. I want to be more aggressive in how I make better decisions, in how I project my image, and in my words. Because my words can kill..
or they can heal..

 

 

 

What's Left....

What's Left....

 

when our presence
becomes nothing more
than just a memory
A bit of our own eternity
is left in the souls
the hearts
of those who care
Telling yourself
that it's your fault
that you could have saved them
from the things they faced
is so unrealistic
Love requires us
only to love
even
in the face of their pain
Life is less than lustrious
when taken over by one storm
after the other
What's left
when dreams are scattered
to the wind.
fights
fought too hard
to even begin to win
living somewhere
in memories of things
they could not be changed
faint resemblances
of the person that once was
In the days of peace
when we all shared a pleasure
although
briefly spent
knowing
that the certainty
of sorrow
faces each of our tomorrows
and it lies between
what was
and what will always be
The distance between
the agony
of seperation
is like a sea that has no shore,
what we are
and are no more
no reason can endure
the knot of pain
no explanation can unbind
so numb and raw
as to how much
you would like
to have them back again
To lose someone
who's loved you all your life
Where do you go
how do you find peace
in a place
that has no peace at all
When we step out of time
to become nothing more
than a memory few can recall
A bit of our eternity
sits in the souls
of those who care

 

jakuper(7/29/06)

Hurry Up This Way Again

 

   first----putting song on repeat

[scatting]

   walking up to you....looking at you
   No words spoken
   no words really needed
   as music fades into song

Oh how it hurts
Loving someone who loves someone else
So many nights

   I begin to gyrate in front of you
   moving slowly to the music
   dancing soooo sexxily
   making sure never to lose eye contact

I spend here all alone by myself
Whenever you’re with her
Whose loving me
Nobody

   Taking my hands
   Rubbing my thighs
   I'm wet
   Even before you touch me
   bending over to your face
   stepping back
   turning swiftly
   looking at you, alluringly

Hurry up this way again
I love you
Hurry up this way again

   blowing you a kiss
   rubbing my body in slow circular motions
   cupping my breasts seductuvely

I never know when I’m going to see you again
Can’t make no plans
I just see you whenever I can
What happens in between
I set and dream about you

   gyrating against the back of your chair
   kissing you on your neck
   slowly rubbing your face
   kissing your softly on your lips
   fingers caressing your fingertips

Hurry up this way again
Don’t you know I love you
Hurry up this way again
I love you [don’t you know I love you, hey, hey]

   whispering, 'I want you
   don't make me wait any longer...
   I promise, it's going to be beautiful
   Searching your eyes for a yes

So many nights I spend here, I spend it all alone
But I love you
I love you, ooh,
Hurry up this way again
Oh I need you [I need you]
Hurry up this way again

   Asking you to dance
   holding you close to me
   surrendering to your will
   A tear falls from my eye
   Just happy to be in your arms

ad-lib and fade

   Kissing you back
   The kiss that leads to the night
   The night that I will never forget
   I am yours...
   You know I love you
   You know I need you
   Make love to me.....

 

 

 

Lyrics byPhyllis Hyman/words by me 

mystical storm

Mystical Storm

 

In the distance
I hear thunder
rolling
lying back on my bed
quietly
a raven
sitting outside my window
and a voice...
it speaks to me
The rain starts
showers
turning into downpour
the thunder becomes louder
and I'm so drawn
to your caw
watching you
with a curious eye
doing what you do

it takes all my willpower
not to approach.
the storm is raging
outside
while the fire within
is overtaking me
what are you doing to me?
this is a subject
we need to broach
I say no
the raven says YES
I say no
the raven says YESSS
no
YESS
no
Yess

Soon enough
my resilience weakens
I say yes
Yess
I walk over to you
and kiss you
eyes closed
lightning flashes
lighting up the room
I see your form
you speak to me..

'do not fear me
I bring magic to you
your fear is of your inner self
I will give you courage
to experience
your awakening
in native teachings
black means anything but evil
it is the doorway to answers
the unknown
and your spiritual self
Never go beyond
what you are prepared for
I came to you
because you are ready'

Amidst the thunder
the lightning
and pouring rain
Raven
showed me
how to love again
She would not be rushed.
I was her canvas
she was the brush
painting strokes of pleasure
on every inch of me.
She was a master of magic

Creating a work of art
studying me
at every angle
the swell of my breasts
the rigidness of my clit
she breathed life into me
in the darkness

 
A shadow cast
on our bodies
were our only light
she kissed me with the force
and passion I never knew

My lips finally parted 
as she pulled me closer
causing me
to gasp for air
One giant bolt of lightning
flashed across the midnight sky

I now belonged to her

 

I HAVE THAT HOPE!

 

The days
are rolling around
faster
perhaps life is speeding up
we find ourselves
shuffling,
trying to make sense
of the changes in the weather...
students 
going back to school..
the summer heat,
rising gas prices,
and chaos around every corner....
But I find myself being able
to just sit back more..
in the cut..
in the quietness of it all...
and watch
as some people continue
to make their own lives
more tumultous,
and perplexing
(and I AM putting this rather nicely)...
we have the blessing
of being linked
to so many
who share our interests..
and its up to us
to make the most
of the connections we make..
and feed each other
our wisdom,
knowledge,
and foremost..
eschew hope..
so many cry out
for love
and really wouldnt know it
if it slapped us
in the face. 
Becuz love isnt loud,
boisterous,
selfish,
it believes all things..
it is patient,
kind,
and most of all
it never gives up 

As I was writing this,
I stopped..
and changed my whole text.
becuz
I wanted to throw stones..
accuse,
hurt,
and chastise..
but its not gonna do any good..
unless each of us
takes the charge
to bring about
better living standards
for ourselves
and others..
NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE..
we will still be lookin
for that promised land,
still be hurting those we love..
and bringing pain
to ourselves.......

I choose to be positive..
hopeful.
and practice lovng myself..
trying to love you..
in your imperfect stage..
knowing none of us are perfect..
and knowing that
if I give out love,
somehow,
and someday,
 it will return to me.....
maybe not from whom I give it...
but from LIFE...

P.S.   
You know who you are...
you have lifted my spirit..
made me believe
in love,
friendship,
and compassion..
we click..
we jibe,
we exist, now..
because
we rose above the craziness..
and I care..
unconditionally for you..
I have that hope
that you
will always be
in my life

 

 

jakuper(7/24/06)

the color of love

 

 

Lying on my bed thinking about you

I close my eyes

and in the darkness I see you

moving before me

warm colors of love

dancing before my eyes.

As our lips meet 

the color changes.....

your tongue

and mine

When we close the space

between our bodies

the color changes again.

when you speak

I listen

and obey

and we fill the air

with yet another color

I'm smiling now

because I know

that the colors will change again

as they have

constantly....

for hours.

Eventually

the colors ebb

and I sleep.

Bedside Manners

 

 

Waking from a groggy induced sleep, I found myself wondering what day it was....Ughhh...My head is killing me. 
This procedure has literally taken a toll on my body, and my strength.  I feel like a dish colth-- lifeless, and limp.  I attempt to move, and I'm stung by the searing pain in my side,and I settle back in the bed, and ring for the nurse. 
I'm hungry.  Can u get me something for pain?  My stomach is killing me.... All around me are machines.  Beeping. Blinking.  Outside the doorway, I can hear the chatter of people.  My family.  I can smell bacon and eggs.  Oh my god, I'm hungry. Where is my plate?  "It's on the way", says the nurse.  I look around.  And out of the corner of my eye, I come face to face with this person who is writing on my chart. 
Hey. "Are you gonna be able to give your own self a bath this morning..?", she asks.  I don't feel like it, you can, I reply hastily.  I settle back down, and begin to think about going home, seeing all my friends again, being me again.  My life is being halted by being sick one too many times, I say to myself.  Looking at all the gadgets..the needles in my arm limit me from moving, and going to the bathroom for msyelf, so I have to rely on these damn bed pans, and people invading my most private body functions... I didn't notice that she had a small bathtub of water in the chair beside me, a clean gown, and a change of ben linen when she said, "ok..time for your bath".  When was the last time someone gave me a bath?  LOL.  I'm almost smiling, too...cuz she is kinda cute.  About 5'6", nice size, and nice breasts. Hmmmmm.  I might enjoy this. 
As she washed me, I'm laying back, trying not to enjoy it.  Trying not to smile, or give her any indication that I'm a lesbian, and that I like this.  Too late...I think she knows, or at least, she is testing me.   I notice that she uses no gloves when she is washing my body, and she handles my girls with the ease of a lover.  Washing in slow circular strokes, gently.  Damn.  This feels good!  So I think she knows it's feeling good, and I'm offering no resistance, so she places both hands on both of them.  And massages them! Awww Hell.  Should I tell her to stop? Feeling my own heat rising..even though I'm in excruciating pain, my body is telling me she's trying to turn me on!  She is washing real slow..all over my stomach, my arms, and my thighs.  "Can you wash down there..or would you like me to?"  Be my guest, I replied, in a soft voice, trying to act like I wasn't affected.  But she is pushing all the right buttons. 
As she opened my legs, and placed that warm, soapy cloth on my private part, I moaned under my voice, and she smiled, slightly.  She knew what she was doing.  Had she done this before?   She rinsed the cloth out, and wiped me again.  Slowly....  By now I'm clearly busted.  If someone comes in, they will see the pleasure on my face, and she could be in trouble.  I turn my head to the side, while trying to contain what I'm feeling...... and I can feel her finger massaging my clit. Oh my God!  She clearly is fingering me!  And it feels so good.  I can feel her fingers going in and out of my wetness.   She knew I loved it.  She could tell by the way she looked at me with lusting eyes.   I could hear moans slip from her mouth, as she had no regard for being walked in on..or that I was embarrassed.  She proceeded to make me have one orgasm after another.  When she pulled her fingers out, she licked each one, so seductively....... 
Is this a part of the treatment.. If so, I think I'm feeling better already!  I looked at her, and she looked me, and we both smiled.  She winked.  I managed to blow her a kiss before my Doctor knocked on the door, and let himself in.....

awakened

Awakened
out of my sleep
to hands touching me
holding me
grabbing my thighs
My lover invading me
forcefully
shamelessly
It didn't take me long
to wake up
I wrapped my legs around her
tightly
pulled her head to me
closer.
A deep sound
formed in her throat,
causing her to gasp for air
It was the sound
of animalistic lust...
the intensity of our connection.
a flame
a fire unleashed
She was in a different place
feuled by hunger
she began moaning
uncontrollably
calling out my name
taking me
to that place where she was
Her hands
roamed freely
over my entire body
While she wanted to wait,
tried to make it last,
savor the sweet feel
of my release,
she was a woman not to be denied.
She cradled the back of my ass
looked up at me
with want in her eyes
and said,
simply
'give it to me'
She made one more lick
with her tongue.
This time,
my liquids flowed freeely
she swallowed
every drop of me
completely
licking her lips
and smiling
I had passed the point
of no return.
Flood
after flood
she made me release...
We cradled together
in silence.
She lay there
stroking my pubic hairs
gently,
snuggled
between my legs
to rest
She whispered...
'I love you,'

'get ready for round two.'

an appetizer

feedin you
to me
on one big platter of ecstacy
a cosmic calm
before the storm
that you bring alive in me
never an excuse for my passion
even if a bit old fashioned
nevertheless
the fire still burns in me
Can a dance to some old school groove
get you in the mood
can I light a candle
of fragrance that lures you
write a tight beat
that pulls you
next to me
and if you come close
enough to graze my cheek
would you say it was a mistake
for all the pleasures you seek
take a peek
exhale
learn of the real me
only a fraction of what you see
words like lightning
flashing across my minds' eye
thundering orgasms
that pierce the midnight sky
raining down on your heart from me
my gift to you
my pleasure mixed with pain
risking
knowing
I would have to let you go
maybe
never
seeing
you
again...

sigh

say it ain't so

My Summer Love

In the spring of love
I would sing of love
I wrote an ode to love
said it was safe to love
even said ok to love
I looked for love
I even booked a love
first class flight for love
supposed to be gone
over night for love
hopefully
for the rest of my life for love
but I ran from love
after I took a stand for love
cuz I didn't understand the love
too many demands for love
I threw my hands up at love
then I found out
what they told me about love
it wasnt love at all
it was me...
I lost my summer love
Becuz I didnt trust the love
I always fussed with love
I cussed with love
and love cussed me back
Love promised me
a big comeback
Another chance at love
a peaceful love
a new lease on love
a place to love
another taste of love
a time to love
I know....
you get what you ask for
But was it a crime to love
...it wasn't my love
but I stole the love
I told the love
that I'd be there for love
and I stayed for love
while I still prayed for love
my own love
I layed with love
I played with love
every night with love
our own place to love
our time and space to love
it was supposed to be love
it looked like love
smelled like love
tasted like love
time wasted like it was love
but...
it left a bitter taste
in my mouth
becuz it was someone else's love
now, Im mad at love
Im sad at love
lonely for love
I turned my back on love
cuz I lost track of love
and in my lack of love
is a hate for love

damn,
I hate to wait for love!
I become irate for love
It's too late for love
when you think that love
will be on time for love
It never does.
I made a date for love
I even set a plate for love
I set my watch for love
making sure I wont be late for love
gonna be on time for love
this time, my love
why did I say that...
It's getting late my love
where is my love
my summer love
...love is late again

I think the fall
is the best time for love

 

jakuper(7/14/06)

hurry up this way again....

first----putting song on repeat

[scatting]

   walking up to you....looking at you
   No words spoken
   no words really needed
   as music fades into song

Oh how it hurts
Loving someone who loves someone else
So many nights

   I begin to gyrate in front of you
   moving slowly to the music
   dancing soooo sexxily
   making sure never to lose eye contact

I spend here all alone by myself
Whenever you’re with her
Whose loving me
Nobody

   Taking my hands
   Rubbing my thighs
   I'm wet
   Even before you touch me
   bending over to your face
   stepping back
   turning swiftly
   looking at you, alluringly

Hurry up this way again
I love you
Hurry up this way again

   blowing you a kiss
   rubbing my body in slow circular motions
   cupping my breasts seductuvely

I never know when I’m going to see you again
Can’t make no plans
I just see you whenever I can
What happens in between
I set and dream about you

   gyrating against the back of your chair
   kissing you on your neck
   slowly rubbing your face
   kissing your softly on your lips
   fingers caressing your fingertips

Hurry up this way again
Don’t you know I love you
Hurry up this way again
I love you [don’t you know I love you, hey, hey]

   whispering, 'I want you
   don't make me wait any longer...
   I promise, it's going to be beautiful
   Searching your eyes for a yes

So many nights I spend here, I spend it all alone
But I love you
I love you, ooh,
Hurry up this way again
Oh I need you [I need you]
Hurry up this way again

   Asking you to dance
   holding you close to me
   surrendering to your will
   A tear falls from my eye
   Just happy to be in your arms

ad-lib and fade

   Kissing you back
   The kiss that leads to the night
   The night that I will never forget
   I am yours...
   You know I love you
   You know I need you
   Make love to me.....

 

 

 

Phyllis Hyman & jakuper

Movie Night...

 

Two friends and I decided to have a movie night, instead of going to the club one Saturday night. At the beauty shoppe some guy was selling movies, and we each got a few. One volunteered to bring the drinks, and the other the popcorn. It was set.
That night, they both arrrived around 730 like we always get together before we go to the club. We sat around for a few, and one went into the bathroom to make a phone call. We picked at her, that she would hide a potential love interest from us, that it must be serious to take to the 'toilet' . She was only in there about 15 minutes when she came out and said she won't be joining us. Her date required her presence at a family cookout. Dang! We decided to have our movie night as planned becuz we had several Tyler Perry movies we wanted to see, and if nothing else, we would laugh our butts off. Our friend left, so we popped a movie in, and it was good, as we thought.
After that movie was over, we were trying to decide which to watch next. My friend said, 'lets watch this one'. And she popped it in. I was in the bathroom, and said, ok, put it in.... what's the name of it? 'Ebony Heat', she replied. Not paying any attention to the title, I siad 'ok'. I came out the bathroom, and was shocked. Pleasantly. She had her eyes glued in the TV. A skin flick. "Girl, are you crazy....why you put that movie in; you know good and well we don't have anyone here when it gets 'hott up in here', and you know you ain't giving me none, so cut that out. Take that movie out. We looking for something totally different, so stop playing." She left it in, and told me to come and watch the movie, that she could handle herself. I got another drink, and sat down.We started oooing and aweing, and laughing at the different positions those guys had those ladies in. She was visibly bothered, and I tried not to notice. I started laughing at a few of the moves, and I made less and less comments....sinking back into my seat, while listening to her enjoy herself. Yes, it was turning me on, but I wasn't gonna let her know. This is my friend; we been friends for years, and while she is straight, I never tried to hit on her, and she never tried to tempt me. We respected each other like that.
I sat there, quietly burning, heating up inside while she openly heated up, sometimes rubbing her breasts, moaning, and touching between her legs. Whewww. Wow, I need another drink!
I got up, took the ice bucket to fill it (I had a feeling I was gonna need it). 'Be Right back.' "Okay," she said. I was glad to get a chance to let off some of my steam, in the kitchen. I think the temperature just went up, and it felt like the AIR wasn't even on. We both had shorts on, but I think my harmones were in overdrive. The way that man had that woman screaming, I'm telling you! I had to laugh to myself, knowing it's just that kind of stuff that drives me wild. Hopefully she was gonna leave after this movie, and I could call somebody for damage control. I filled the ice bucket, and headed back to the den, crossing my chest like they do in the movies, for strength. LOL.
I could hear the movie still going on as I walked to the den door. I stepped to the door, and almost dropped my ice bucket! She was standing there naked, before me...calling me..with her index finger. Un-uhhhh, not me! Shaking my head to the negative...and with a lump in my throat. But, I was so turned on, I couldn't help but grin at what I saw. MY buddy. Oh my Damn. I mean, looking like a cone of ice cream,and I'm hot, and she hot, and she licking her lips at me. 'You know you been wanting this. Here it is...your chance. I'm all yours. I see the way you look at me, and I be watching you, too. What you gonna do? Do I have to beg ? I might not get my courage up again.... let's see where this can go. We can keep it between us, or we can deal with it, anyway you like it.' I'm speechless. I sit down in the recliner, and she walks over to me, and kisses me, on my lips. Breasts grazing against my body. Wooooo. We shared several steamy kisses, as I felt my body telling her yes.

The phone rang. "get up! You know we supposed to be going ot eat breakfast, so get up and get ready!" DAMN. I was dreaming. My sister woke me up on the best part! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I closed my eyes tightly, and tried to get that dream back, but I couldn't. I was so heated.

I just got up.